The Path to Spiritual Wellness is paved in gratitude. ‘Tis the season. Fa-la-la…
But why does the joy I am encouraged to feel during the holidays make me lonely, tired, and stressed out? The warmth of Christmas often competes for my brain space with sadness and worry. Appreciation for what I actually do have becomes upstaged by things I imagine I don’t have.
There are people I’ve lost, places I will never see, and many, many things I cannot afford. In the waning light of the season, it’s easy to take false refuge in shadows that erode my wellbeing. When that begins to happen – just as the shadows begin to creep in, is a very good time to remember my actual vow of refuge, which is to turn my mind from self-centered thinking toward gratitude and compassion. I try to remind myself that with all I’ve lost, never had, or will not attain, what I do possess right now is the power to change my mind. I can turn my mind to see beyond the traps of doubt and resentment to the goodness of the world I have. Gratitude practice is not just a nice thing to do, it actually changes the way the mind works. This season is a challenging time, and so I am committing to gratitude practice every morning to bolster my spiritual health.
It is interesting to see how gratitude actually changes the functioning of the brain. The power of gratitude to alter mood is similar to exercise. It’s so simple and has such a demonstrative effect, but like working out or taking a brisk walk, I sometimes fall out of shape and have resistance to the effort. On those days, I find it helpful to gently push myself toward a practical expression of mental health. In this way, I find gratitude sometimes takes a bit of effort. It’s so much easier to remain in the shadows of my habitual thinking when I am feeling low. So, making a gentle commitment to daily gratitude practice makes it easier to access the tools that make my mind an easier place to be.
But why is it so easy to fall into the dark? The dark shapes in my shadowed thinking keep me locked away from my life. Some of my favorite go-tos are judgement and envy. It’s easy for me to feel envious of the fact that others seem to have more than I do, more love, more family, more joy. I compare myself and feel less than less-than. On the other hand, to protect against that, I’ll judge everyone and everything. I adopt a cynical posture toward the season. Feeling superior to a those I desperately want connection to give me a false sense of protection. This ‘false refuge’ seems to protect me from being let down or hurt. But why am I assuming I will be rejected?
And who is actually making me feel less-than?
Am I the one letting myself down? Am I shutting out my life by refusing to join the party as I find fault in everything? When I look past my protective shadows, I see that false superiority and envious resentment are two sides of the coin of feeling “less than.” And indulging these defenses – such as creating a list of “harms against me” – only encourages that feeling. In order to hide from feeling badly, I make myself feel worse. This woe-is-me syndrome might work for Wednesday Addams (as it seemed to for me at her age) but this game is just cringe at this point. It’s time to turn my mind away from obsession with its shadows, doubt and lack. It’s time to join my own party, already in progress.
When I feel into my defensive posturing, I see that underneath I am fearful and insecure. Instead of loving myself, I spend the mental energy building a case to support this feeling of being not enough. Isn’t creating a list of harms I perceive to have received only creating a world of contention and dis-ease in my life? And what does this do to my sense of wellness? But, if creating mental lists of what don’t have supports my sense of lack, then maybe the opposite would hold in terms of building spiritual fitness. Maybe remembering the riches, I ignore while complaining would help to build a sense of confidence. Maybe this would support spiritual wellness.
Spiritual wellness is a sense of wellbeing based on our connection to our basic goodness. It is not based on the material things that feel good for a time. It is a connection to our heart that allows us to uplift our spirits in a natural way. But what happens when our mood is low and we fall into anhedonia, which is the inability to feel joy? Material things are fine in the moment, but they can sometimes make things worse. Spiritual health is based on behavior. What am I doing to enhance my sense of wellbeing? Working out a bit, helps to move the mind out of the funk of its shadowed thinking. And doing this in spite of feeling unhappy actually works better than thinking through it. Just taking a walk or stretching a bit change how the mind works. This may not affect my finances or social status, it may not make me less lonely, but it always changes how my mind processes these things.
Like working out, small increments of gratitude practice on a daily basis help to keep up spiritual fitness. This is true any day, but especially on the days I “don’t wanna”. That gentle push to remember the things I have that mean so much keeps me from falling into the shadows of “woe me” thinking. It’s like spiritual aerobics. And no matter how I felt before, I always feel uplifted afterward.
Taking the time to remember the things we have in our life that we value is healing emotionally, but it also creates a physical experience of wellness in our nervous system. And it reminds us of all the things we are missing by locking ourselves into the negative. Life is short. It’s time for me to remember the goodness of this life whether I want to or not.
Practice suggestion:
While making a list of the things we value in our life is a helpful step in turning the mind, it is only our first step.
- Make a brief list of a few people, places, feelings or things in life for which you are grateful
- Take one and remember it for a moment or two.
- Then place your hand over your heart and feel the feelings associated with these thoughts.
- Then drop your hand, and your thoughts, and sit for a moment.
- Do this for the next item on your list.
Remember to make this easy and light. Be careful not to overtrain. We don’t need to regard everything good in our life today only to exhaust the process tomorrow. Remember this is about training the mind.
Do this every day for a committed period of time as a daily morning practice. Try it for a week or 10 days and see if you get any insight into how to keep spiritually fit.