During our evolution we lost our fangs, claws and venom as we traded up for a big brain. 
As this brain grew, it gained the processing ability to go beyond the defensive reaction of its dark beginnings and, learning to see a bigger picture, strategize its way past danger and toward sustenance. This remarkable ascension is still happening and that’s a wonderful thing. Yet, that growth happened so quickly, our minds are developing new skills while our brain is still holding to old processes. This creates a dissonance between a view of what may be possible and what we fear could happen.
One of the most venerable of our ancient systems is our survival instinct. As our brain initially expanded as a defensive measure it also developed a spiritual, artistic and intellectual capacity yet unseen on our planet. Yet, that defensive survival imperative still exists – and, in fact may be more inflamed by the rapid changes it faces. Our mind gives precedence to negativity and fear as a survival strategy. Survival is compelling. A part of us values panic over relaxation. As we begin to see what is possible for us, a darkened part from of our past rears its head. When we become triggered, our mind spins as it tries to work its way out of the perceived danger. This happens too quickly for us to track and so we tend to wake up in the middle of some obsessive thought as a focus of our anxiety. We find ourselves working out a familiar thought in our mind over and over again. “Why did I say that?” “Why didn’t I tell them this?” The process is more about fear of a problem than it is a mindful attempt to solve the problem. We become stuck in our brain. And since the mind is not thinking in a way that can solve the problem, we may begin to feel inadequate and victimized by life.
Because we are still indebted to ancient defenses our mind closes down around that one thing it feels threatened by. Although a reaction to fear, the narrative may try and feel strong by manifesting anger to an object or ourselves. That little voice in the head telling us there is something wrong about ourselves, is a means of bad self-parenting. We’re trying to fix ourselves but this only serves to make us depleted and weakened. It is sadly ironic that just when we need our mind the most, it turns from awareness into compulsion.
Meditation practice trains the mind to cut past the compulsion. When we notice our mind thinking, we let it go and return to the breath. This is not to get rid of the thought, but to free the thought from its compulsive cycling. This mindfulness of mind gives us the power to turn our mind from compulsion to awareness. Yet, the momentum of our cycling mind is so powerful, it takes a lot of practice to learn to work with it. In time, we learn to stop believing the story, and work with the process.
When our meditation practice wanes we lose our “spiritual hygiene” and our emotional / mental immune system becomes compromised. When this happens we become susceptible to random afflictions of mind. Small things, unresolved issues, and lingering questions become the seeds of creating a much larger blockage. When our mind lacks the strength to protect itself it becomes obsessed with whatever it is it is worried over. My teacher calls this being held hostage by our minds. “Give me that drink or I’ll torture us all night.” “I need that cookie or I’ll be in a bad mood all day.” I need, I want, and I have to have what I need to want right now. Yet, a moment from now it could be something entirely else we absolutely need to have. Our mind becomes demanding even when it doesn’t know what it wants. Our needy mind completely dominates our field of vision. Rather than take joy to the world around us, we are robbed by that one thing we can see past. And when we blame the object or ourselves we only serve to embed the process further.
So, the way out of this is the way in. The problem is in our activated sympathetic nervous system. It’s not happening in our mind. Our mind is looking on in horror, but the seizure is happening in the nervous system. Whatever thoughts we might have are tangential to the fact that we have been triggered, and in a fear state we are unable to see clearly. Our ancient mind is aflame and hijacks our higher reasoning. Our higher mind is conscripted to figure a way out of the spinning so it goes into overdrive. The panicked body clenches. Fear begets fear begets fear. This process happens more subtly when we are able to push compulsive thoughts aside and yet the toxic psychologies they create nonetheless fester in our mind and body. The gnawing feeling that we are not good enough, strong enough, smart enough are bags we carry. Some of us have carried them so long, we just assume they are real. And here is another sad irony. Everything changes. Therefore, a thought we’ve had for years, that has become embedded in us, is less likely to be valid. The fact that we are holding onto an idea for years doesn’t make it more real. In fact, our mindful mind would point to the contrary.
So, how do we live with this ancient brain in a modern developing mind? With care and respect. The mindful mind can be aware of itself. With practice, it can develop the strength to be the leader of itself. Lead the mind, or it will lead you means that we would do well to learn about the mind – objectively – before we try and change anything. My teacher was fond of pointing out how we learn to much about everything except the tool that does the learning. Mindfulness of mind is learning to understand our mind. When are we likely to be hijacked by our ancient fear-based defenses? Maybe we can believe our brains less when our spiritual or emotional immunity is likely compromised, as in when we’re hungry, angry, lonely or tired. We can believe our mind less when we are absolutely SURE of anything. We can simply believe our stories less and feel our feelings more.
We will never figure it out while we are spinning. The mind is simply not at its best when it’s agitated. There is not clarity in agitation. The mind is at its most effective when it is calm. Calmness of body, brings calmness of mind. Calmness of mind allows the mind’s natural clarity to dawn. Even though we feel a compulsion to react to the problems of life, they are best addressed in serenity. So the work isn’t figuring out the problem. The work is protecting the mind from panic so it can see its way through. When we’re up all night spinning over something, the story is not real. The fear beneath the story is what’s real. Not the story of the fear, but the history of that fear. Hold the fear, and calm the body. And do whatever you can to support and love yourself. Our minds need us. We would do well to protect and honor them.
Living with a big brain takes care, understanding and training. The ancient brain needs to be led by kindness. And the modern mind needs to move beyond itself and continue to grow.