Month: April 2023

Posted on by joseph mauricio

BALANCE

There are many expressions of a spiritual path. Some of us open to a higher experience. Some connect to the earth below. Some find an expression of divine spirit within themselves. Others recognize a universal goodness in all beings. And some find divinity in everything around them. Although, the majority look to no spiritual truth at all but attend, the best they can, to their everyday lives.

The Buddhist tradition accepts any and all of these possibilities. It also offers a very practical interpretation of its own: being in alignment with spirituality is to be in balance with ourselves. The practice of Shamatha meditation cultivates a calmness of body and mind, which allows us to access the essential spirit of life around us. The cultivation of peace is an acceptance of life as it is in the present moment. The obstacle to developing that peace is the itchy and scratchy mind that constantly fidgets and dreams and lunges after provocation.

The traditional texts reference and experience that Sakyong Mipham identifies as “laxity and elation.” This is the nascent bipolar experience of an untrained mind. These tendencies are subtle on the cushion but if unchecked, may develop into real imbalances as we continually lurch toward reward and away from discouragement. We try to be submissive in some situations and dominant in others. We gorge and purge and tend to find comfort in imbalance. This is the neurosis that generates samsara. We are constantly wanting and grabbing only to find that to which we cling to be devoid of spiritual nutrition. These spiritual empty calories leave us exhausted and depressed …  until we want something else. That wanting increases our dopamine and so this excitement feels so very right and lifts us up again … until it doesn’t. And so we are depressed again until we find the next mirage.

The idea of becoming a Buddha is profound but also very ordinary. It is an altogether human endeavour. In meditation we are training ourselves to find the stability to be here and the strength to accept whatever comes. Laxity and elation are the subtle urges that, if not checked, will lead to major swings in our mood, our life and our society. When we progress in meditation practice we catch these tendencies before they’ve had a chance to hijack us into the torrents of samsara.

In the practice of Shamatha, we are cultivating a peaceful mind by gently and diligently returning to the breath until we have synchronized body and mind. This synchronicity allows the mind to settle and clarify. Thus the point of Shamatha is not just a peaceful mind, but a stable mind that sees clearly. This stability and clarity manifests as strength in our life. We have trained our mind to recognize and accept the present moment. This becomes a baseline to which we return again and again. Balance is not maintained by rigidity. It is the spiritual experience of being in alignment with ourselves. This is an experience of great acceptance. Resting in the present is an act of self-love and self confidence. Running from the present is usually an act of self-doubt. But when we relax into a good posture and find stillness in our homebase, we become comfortable with ourselves and, in time, develop the confidence to be present with great acceptance and peace.

Like a Buddha.

And while Buddha refers to the divine within us, it is more importantly, the human within us. Buddha means awake. And this principle of enlightenment is not only available to all beings, it is an integral part to every one of us. Our samsaric upbringing has led us from the spiritual nature which is our birthright.  But that spiritual nature is not so far from us. In fact, it is right here when we are brave enough to return to our seat. It is right now the moment we remember to come back into balance and align ourselves to our heart.

 

Posted on by joseph mauricio

REBIRTH

George Harrison released All Things Must Pass just following the breakup of his previous band, which happened to be one of the world’s most beloved institutions. Many of that generation were left shattered and unsure in the wake of their parting, not the least of whom were members of the band itself. Yet despite his fear,  “All Things Must Pass” was George Harrison’s masterwork, with songs as good as any he had penned when he still had the day job. This is the idea of rebirth. All things must pass and all things are the product of birth. And every birth, no matter how much it may be a new beginning, is the product of what came before. Thus, many spiritual traditions speak of the cyclical nature of life. And Buddhism, in particular, speaks of the interconnectedness of everything.

The movement and flow of reality can be a beautiful thing when we are able to step back and see creation happening all around us. But when it is OUR life it feels like suicide to step back. Our life is so very important to us. But, clinging to our life makes the fluid dynamic of reality appear solid and frozen in time. We believe what we are holding onto is REAL. And the tighter we hold, the more real it feels. Therefore, the more real we feel.  The more real we feel, as comforting as it sometimes appears, the more stuck we become. Holding on in white knuckled stubbornness gets us nowhere but stuck. But, as the song goes, ALL things must pass. This means everything. Yet, there are many things still here. Life, it seems, is happening all around us.

And death is everywhere. Like a thief in the night, it comes without warning. Dying is the alpha and omega. It is the beginning and the end of everything on our cosmological and temporal plane.  It is the existential point of contact with reality. Nothing that exists will last forever, and everything that exists will end. But is the end? And is the end really the end?

Many spiritual traditions speak of an experience beyond the death of our corporeal forms. In the Buddhist tradition, we deny the reality of that temporal form in the first place. Even while alive, our bodies are not solid. They are always changing. If I get a knee replacement, am I the same fellow? I still have my neurosis. What if I got a heart transplant? Or a new face? At what point am I no longer me? Well, the Buddhists suggest that there was never a me because that me was also ever changing. What are the values that define my ego? And were those values the same as they were a decade ago?

Perhaps, our sense of self is as mutable and dynamic as any other aspect of reality. Similarly, maybe our mind is different from moment to moment, and mental pain and emotional discouragement come not from our changing nature, but from trying to hold on. The tighter we cling, the worse it feels to let go. This clinging is the cause of our suffering. And if that’s the case, then letting go is the cause of the cessation of suffering. Letting go does not mean ‘getting rid of’ or pushing anything away. In fact, letting go is the best way to appreciate something you love. Letting go means you step back and see the whole picture. Letting go is key to appreciation.

Letting go is how we move forward.  Moment to moment we release ourselves from the grip of our past actions and allow the natural flow of life to happen. This is easy to imagine, moment to moment. It becomes more challenging when we face the end of our moments. The darkness, the utter night, the dire finality of death. But, if we were to step back at some point in our process, we’d see that every deal is the fertile ground for a new beginning. The problem for us is that we are there at the end, but maybe not at the beginning. Aye, there’s the rub. Some essential part of me will reconfigure and continue, but the inessential parts will fall away in that reconfiguration. And because we are processed by a material experience and society, it may be the very things we think comprise “me” that will fall away. And, that which remains, will likely be someone else altogether.

Buddhists believe that living in virtue and kindness will allow whatever rebirth there is to be beneficial to all beings. The Buddha taught that everything in reality is interconnected and interdependent and therefore, the good we do in this life creates goodness for all. Just as every moment of neurosis creates a little more confusion for everyone.  Perhaps human beings are singular parts of a greater whole that none of us can see, but all of us can feel. Perhaps our every breath affects the whole. Maybe the point of our journey through life is to help create less myopic aggression and foster more awareness and goodness.

Just as a lily that blooms from the dirt, we can rise from our darkness and open our hearts to the radiance of life. And then that radiance ends, and we return to darkness, perhaps we can let go of the things we cling to, and open our hearts to the goodness that will lead wherever it must.

This post is dedicated to my mother, Trudy.  It is her birthday today.  The part of me that can’t let go still suffers for my loss. It is MY loss. and I suffer. But the part of me that opens to basic goodness rejoices in all she left for everyone who knew her. It’s not about me. It’s about everything else.

And that’s the part that is most like her.

Posted on by joseph mauricio

WORKING WITH GRIEF

“Working with Grief” implies that grief, as profoundly sad and disheartening as it can be, is something with which we can make a relationship. From a Buddhist perspective, we never demonize feelings. As uncomfortable as some emotions make us feel, attacking them, or distancing ourselves from them, only makes problems worse. Emotions are unavoidable. They are an expression of being human.  Learning to work with them requires patience and acceptance.

Grief is a particularly challenging emotion in that there is usually a definite object. Whether it be the untimely passing of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or some personal trauma we’ve endured, there is an event at the core of our grief to which we attach a conceptual narrative. Thus grief instigates an emotional environment that is a lot for s to work with. And grief, as we know, can be overwhelming. The very first step in working with this is to be kind to ourselves. We can begin with simplifying.  By clearing out the debris we can work with our immediate concern: how we are feeling now. A lot of our ancillary concerns are past regrets or future anxieties. BUt the Buddhist approach is to begin right now. “Start where you are” Pema says. So, what is happening now?

Our feelings are happening now. When we focus on the object, we forgo processing the feelings. Instead of healing, we seek to work through the story, finding blame, justification, or reasons why.  We get stuck in our head. Causality and consequences seem to offer solace, but stories are not feelings. In order to heal we have to acknowledge and accept how we feel. The stories and the frames are a temporary balm, but they only mask the energy we need to acknowledge and accept.

When we fixate on the event we are focusing our energies on things in the past that we cannot change. Wishing someone would change their mind, or that things could be as they once were is just a way of torturing ourselves. We can’t change anything but ourselves. But that can be a relief. I don’t have to fix anything!  I can just hold space for myself. I can turn my attention back home so that I can begin to heal. Healing begins with acknowledging and accepting. What is happening now?  And how can I best hold space for that, so the feelings can be here with me?

And with regard to an intense emotion like grief the best approach is to allow ourselves to heal. Patience is key and non-(self)judgement is essential.  So when I am working with grief, I make a commitment to be here with the feeling as long as it takes. Then I try and employ the old “RAIN” trope. These steps to recovery can be consecutive or random. They don’t have to be done perfectly. They are just ways to guide our minds from creating further suffering from an already painful situation.

Recognize. We are experiencing an emotion. It’s not our fault, nor is it a punishment. It is a natural part of our human experience. It just is. We don’t have to find a reason, justification, or an excuse. We don’t have to be embarrassed. Grief is shattering. It needs the space to be with us.

Accept. We can stop struggling, it’s only making it worse. Grief is completely natural and unavoidable. While grief is common to all beings, the suffering we create for ourselves is optional. We have a choice. We can turn away from the story and toward the feelings. The story is not all about me, but the feelings certainly are. 

Internalize. When we are ready, opening up to the feelings is an essential step in our recovery. I use the breath. This stage is like a conversation with my broken heart. Feeling the breath – in – out – in – connects us to ourselves. In the midst of our grief we can make a commitment to ourselves to stay here with our feelings for as long as it takes. Grief can stay in our system for years. This need not be disheartening. If we stop struggling with grief, and make friends with it, we have an energy that allows us to evoke empathy and compassion. There is a saying “may I never outrun my heartbreak.”  Our heartbreak keeps us human. In a world that pulls us into competition and materialism remembering our pain is how to stay human. This is so important to our spiritual growth. Rather than getting rid of our grief we can take the very brave step of becoming one with it. Challenging emotions offer us an opportunity to evoke lovingkindness for ourselves. 

Non-Identification (Letting go). Understanding that grief is not a punishment allow us to see that we are not at fault. We can let go of guilt. We can let go of struggle. We can let go of identification. “There is grief.” It will leave in its own time, but I can let go of all the struggle I create around it. We can let go of blame as we have no one to apologize to. We can hold ourselves up with dignity, as we are doing the work. And because we are doing the work of feeling the feelings, we have learned first hand what others are going through. Our grief connects us to the grief of our fellow humans. We are not so alone after all.

And while we don’t have to fix anyone – including ourselves – we can share and connect to those who might benefit from knowing how we feel.  In this way, we are letting go of self-importance and being willing to be humble, helpful, and present. In the midst of the direst of situations helping others is a ray of uplift.