Month: May 2023

Posted on by joseph mauricio

MEMORIAL DAY

I’m writing this on the day set aside to honor those who died in the armed service of our country. More recently, it is the day that for many of us, despite the actual calendar date, commemorate the beginning of summer. We light up the BBQ, pull out the clubs, rackets, bats and bathing suits. We can wear our white shoes again.

Like most holidays in our culture, the day’s original sentiment has become clouded by temporal concerns. The idea that we delineate a time to have fun and connect to friends and family is not a bad thing. But it seems we might do well to remember those on whose shoulders we stand. We can remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifice, but perhaps this can also be a day to remember the family members or friends who have left us. We can remember those who helped guide society, such as Dr. King. We can remember the people of color killed by police, or the many others senselessly killed by hatred, anger or greed because of the color of their skin or the affections of their heart. And while these deaths have served to create some change, we might also remember those who have died in vain because despite the shouting and regardless of the tears, in some cases, little has changed. In fact, gun violence is actually on the rise. Death by gun fire has become the leading killer of children in America. Read that again.

That is a new definition of insanity.

While we remember those who fought and died to protect America from violence abroad, we might also remember Americans who were victims of violence here at home. Memorials erected to soldiers and those who died in battle remind us of their sacrifice. But what of the unwilling sacrifices of those who died simply because they live in the most violent country on earth that is not in an actual war. Read that again. Slowly. Perhaps today, we can remember those whose passing has urged us to consider changes to our life and society. Perhaps today we can make a commitment to keep praying that our world will become a more compassionate home to all of us. And if our nation is indeed the greatest on earth, then we might take our place as a leader, guiding the world toward the tolerance and understanding that our forebears proclaimed. And if we are truly brave, we can do this whether or not anyone follows.

With regard to memorials, I love the Tibetan Buddhist approach of honoring the transient nature of things, such as with sand mandalas, which are elaborate portrayals of colored sand that take days to construct only to be scattered in a matter of moments at the conclusion of the ceremony. This explains the Buddhist reverence for change, and non-ego. No one tears down a sand mandala. Similarly, Tibetan prayer flags, which are inscribed with prayers of compassion that are thought to traverse the earth as they are buoyed by the wind.  The picture for this post is of prayer flags hanging off my friend Jen Parde’s deck. I took this picture after the traumatic passing of her cat Huxley. I was sitting on a chair a bit shell shocked and noticed the flags were moving gently in the wind. This moment will likely stay in my heart for a long while.

So, yes, let’s enjoy the burgers, the hot dogs, the ears of corn. Celebrate friends and family. But know that all this comes at a cost. And perhaps each of us can bow our heads a moment for the ordinary heroes, whether soldiers slain in battle or people slain for the color of their skin, those murdered because of their sexual orientation or children killed by gun violence. Perhaps we can dedicate their passing to the belief in a future where these things will no longer occur.

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Thank you, and much love this holiday weekend 
Posted on by joseph mauricio

RAIN

RAIN

I.ve been thinking about the rain. Rain is lifegiving. It can be cleansing, healing, and rejuvenating. The sound of falling rain is a natural relaxant. And yet, it is a frequent nuisance and under some circumstances, deadly. From a grand perspective, rain is inherently neutral. Yet, its manifestation could be a blessing or a catastrophe depending on circumstances.

In Buddhist Five Wisdom psychology we draw parallels between the natural elements of the world we live in and the emotions that live within us.  Sadness and depression are as natural as the rain. Emotions can be joyous or painful depending on our interpretation. And any feeling can be healing if we allow it. The key is to avoid taking it personally. This depersonalization is easier said than done, particularly with regard to strong emotions that sometimes feel so very personal. The stronger we feel, the more it feels like something is happening to me.

And that’s like blaming ourselves for the rain.

Of course, we can look at ourselves for not checking the weather before we left the house without an umbrella. This is to say that although the rain is not happening because of us we can use our rational intelligence and some investigation to work with the weather. The same is true of our feelings. They are immensely powerful, and they have the potential to be our teachers or agents of chaos depending on if we are willing to work with them. And my favorite way of working through emotions is a process described in the acronym RAIN. I love the elliptical reasoning here.

Thinking about emotions, when we are caught in their downpour (or upheaval) we are sometimes swept away in a torrent.  Pema Chodron famously refers to this as being “hooked” by the feeling. If we look at emotions as being as natural as the weather, we can regard the experience as natural. If we are willing to work WITH the feelings, we can turn a neurotic reaction into a wisdom experience. The essence of Buddhist transformative psychology is turning our neurosis into wisdom. That always felt inaccessibly academic to me until I was taught that we are not transforming the emotion, we are transforming our reaction to it. In order to do this we recognize that we are hooked by a feeling and immediately accept the emotion as a natural occurrence. Then without judgement or recrimination we can look at the feeling and learn from it. This is a step-by-step process in letting go of our personal attachment to the energy and allowing the energy to be as it is.

RAIN.

RECOGNITION is the first step.  It is important  that we avoid judgement here and simply see what is happening. Not, why or how, but just what is happening. This is akin to the parable about the Buddha and the soldier. The Buddha pointed out that when struck by an arrow, the first step is to address the arrow. In the 12-step tradition, the first step is the recognition and admission of our addiction. We identify the problem before we endeavor to fix anything.  We are recognizing the essential quality of what’s going on right now without looking getting ahead of the game.  Recognition of being stuck or caught  is all we do here. But the next step comes quite quickly on its heels.

ACCEPTANCE is letting go of any judgement or concept we have about the feeling. It’s just feeling the feeling.  It’s important that this step comes before the third step of investigation because we are accepting before we investigate. Otherwise, when we get to investigation, our investigation is compromised because we’re trying to fix something.  We’ve all done that with another person when we’ve jumped the gun and tried to fix them out of our own impatience, ego aggrandizement or our control issues. This makes a mess because we’re not actually taking the time to listen.  Acceptance is about pausing and allowing yourself to feel (listen). In some cases, all we need is recognition to reduce the emotional inflammation. But sometimes, we need to go further, and dig a bit deeper.

The next stage is INVESTIGATION. Instead of lashing out with our projections, we turn inward.  Instead of acting out we’re touching in. When it comes to this self-reflection, we’re still not trying to fix anything. We are just trying to relate to what’s there. And we will learn from experience that this will evolve as we go further. So, we don’t have to ‘get it right’. We take our first thought and then as we look / feel further into the experience, we might discover another layer. Commonly, anger is actually masking sadness underneath.  When we recognize ‘this is anger’ without judgment or recrimination, we can see how it actually feels. This is another step-in depersonalizing. We are taking a wider view. This is inquisitiveness. We are investigating what we are here to discover.  When we uncover layers of truth, they are usually different from our preconceptions. That’s the distinction between an amateur pandering in conspiracy theories online and a real investigator. The real investigator may never reach a convenient truth as they endeavor to look cleanly at the facts without popular interpretation. In this way, we are avoiding clickbait in order to experience what we are feeling.

Often what we discover is that this process diminishes the experience. And sometimes that is disappointing. Are we willing to allow the inflammation of our egoic reactions subside so we can see clearly. Often when we are triggered, we react as though we were unwilling to heal. It’s as if our ego thinks that we are giving in. But surrender in this case is letting go of the personal struggle so that we can return to balance. If we’re honest we’d have to admit that sometimes we don’t want to heal. We’d rather be right or gain retribution. We want justice! But are those not ego designations that actually keep us locked in samsara – that endless loop of retribution and salvation?

NON-IDENTIFICATION happens when we are willing to heal by allowing ourselves to let go. And when we gain perspective and begin to see clearly.  This is not my sadness.  It’s just sadness. This is the rain. It’s not my rain. The rain falls on everyone at some point. This is not my anger it is just anger. When we are brave enough to really be with how it feels to be human, we see below the story into the feeling, and we are able to stop clinging for or against the experience. We begin to glean that as personal as it feels, it is not about me.

Thus, investigation serves to disabuse us of taking it personally.  Because we’re starting to look more and more clinically, we’re able to step back and see the situation as it is.  In time, we are less inclined to be caught up in these otherwise natural energies and no longer allow ourselves to be tortured by them. Instead, we are able to ride their considerable energies, let go and allow the natural elements of life to nurture us.

Tara Brach teaches the “N” as nurturing. I love that, and I love the relationship of Nurturing, to letting go to non-identifying. When we learn to love ourselves, we no longer need to cling to others, and we become less fearful of our feelings and more able to let go into the flow of our lives. So, nurturing our heart is the way we gain the strength it takes to ride the energy of our feelings. And then we are on the horse that rides the wind, as the Tibetans would say.

We are riding windhorse.

 

Posted on by joseph mauricio

MOTHER’S DAY

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. I’m missing my mother. Trudy was an angel and someone who loved me unconditionally. Each mother’s day seems to echo in the silence of her absence. Yet, my promise to her is to develop my heart to love as hers did.  With that view, it’s not helpful to wallow in my sadness. The root of our meditation training, points to the possibility of holding our hearts open even as they break.

Yesterday was the anniversary of the racially motivated shootings in Buffalo. And if that tragedy takes a moment to mentally reboot, perhaps it says a lot about the morbid new normal we’ve come to live with. And I am moved to think of the mothers who have lost children in senseless gun violence that plagues our homes, neighborhoods and schools. And all mothers who have loved unconditionally despite their loss. We live in a difficult and violent society that nonetheless needs our love and attention.

The Mahayana Buddhist teachings liken compassion to the experience of a mother bird who’s chick has fallen from its nest into a flowing river. Her heart breaks with no recourse but to love and experience loss. When faced with tragedy she could shut down in a vain attempt to protect herself, or she could open up despite the pain and care for the life still around her.  Her reason for being is the life that depends on her.  Of course, this is an ideal look at a mother. Many have had complicated relationships with their mothers and some may not equate their mother with selfless care and love. But the experience of compassionate love is available to us all. We can’t fix anything. But we can train ourselves to love someone somewhere unconditionally. With that foothold we can work to develop that feeling of love for all sentient beings. That is the view. But, will this help?  Will it fix a sick world? Maybe not. But when a child is sick we don’t love it less. If the child dies, we don’t stop loving them.

Our hearts breaking inthe open space of sadness is a profound experience. The Mahayana Buddhist system regards service to the world as our prime directive despite our pain.  We are not here to squeeze all the joy out of life that we can.  Nor are we here to continually nurture our wounds. Healing comes as we learn to find joy in our broken world as it is. We find authentic joy when we remain true and loving despite our wounds. We become strong when we stay true and loving despite our doubts. We become mothers of the world when we decide to let ourselves love unconditionally.

Another ideal statement of Mahayana Buddhism is for us to regard all beings as our mothers. The classical reading of the teachings refer to the fact that we are all part of the continued recycling of life in our realm. The ancient texts say that we have lived every conceivable life countless times over. Included in that reincarnative dance was that all of us have been everyone else’s mother and because of that, we owe all beings a debt of gratitude. A more progressive reading of the teachings might suggest that we are all part of the loving regeneration of life. We are interconnectedly woven as part of the fabric of life. Although life dies in its corporeal form, it is connected to the life from which it came even as it continues in the regeneration of life to come. The idea that we are connected to all other life is a very compelling thought. The fact that all life ends is accompanied by the truth that life is continually reborn. Thus sadness and joy are the experience of all sentient life. Love is large enough to encompass both. Love encompasses all experience.

Perhaps we are mothers of our world right now. If we turn away in judgement or disgust, we renege on a responsibility to care for our charges. As we are interconnected to that life, when we turn from our world, we turn from ourselves as well. Maybe today, we can remember the love of a mother whether literally or figuratively as an inspiration for developing  selfless love. Will that selfless love change the world?  Possibly not. But with the development of great compassion, we might transform ourselves.

Posted on by joseph mauricio

SPIRITUAL FITNESS

In his book Turning the Mind into an Ally Sakyong Mipham identifies “stability, clarity and strength” as the basic logic of the path of Shamatha meditation. Shamatha is the practice of calm abiding, or cultivating peace in the body, spirit and mind. Beginning with the body, with the ability to remain on our seat, we naturally begin to settle. As we settle, a calm abiding occurs that brings a sense of contentment. This allows the body to accept itself, as it naturally relaxes.

Relaxation is opening somatically. We are releasing ourselves from the panic induced gripping to ourselves that keeps the body tight and poorly aligned. Contentment brings a sense of well-being and openness to the world around us. That openness occurs as we release the grip we have on ourselves.

As with weight training, periods of intensity need to be alternated with relaxation and recovery. The point of exercising is how we feel as we relax into the confidence of a strong body. But many of us walk around mistaking bodily tension for strength. We grip to ourselves as a base mind protective reflex. But the gripping – or in psychological terms, self-clinging – closes us down. We are hiding behind our physical and mental frame. Hiding is a way of removing ourselves from immediate danger, but it also closes us off from alternatives and healthy responses to fear. In this sense, it’s a very limited defense. Gripping also impedes our ability to navigate life with ease and relaxation. Most egregiously, being imprisoned in our pain body makes us ill prepared and vulnerable to attack.

Consistent meditation practice brings the stability we need to feel comfortable enough to release ourselves from the bondage of physical tension. It takes courage to step past this bobdage, but doing so increases our confidence. So, it’s a positive feedback loop. Opening brings confidence, and confidence allows us to open. There is a subtle, but nonetheless powerful, shift in our allegiance. Rather than tense up and make ourselves emotional sitting ducks, we relax into challenges, and are able to navigate past our fear. Openness in the face of fear is very strong.  This strength will change your life.

Spiritual strength comes as we develop a firm body, an open heart and a clear mind. Firm body means we have the ability to remain in place, on the spot, and relax into our seat. We are connected to the earth and have the confidence to remain at our post. Open heart happens naturally as we relax into our seat. Once we feel less threatened, we are naturally able to look past our protective frame and contact the world. We are not freezing ourselves in emotional isolation. We are opening. Once we open we are able to make contact. This practical – and manual – contact with life brings a confidence that allows the mind to see clearly. We are able to accept our life, as it is.

Spiritual wellness is a sense of our body, spirit and mind being synchronized. It takes daily manual practice as well as a willingness to remember the practice in impacted moments. Spiritual wellness becomes apparent when we are willing to eschew the panic reactions of threatened behavior for the calm reasoning of an integrated mind. We are in our body, in our heart, in our mind and fully able to respond to life as it happens.  This strength is born of consistent meditation practice on the cushion and mindful awareness in our daily life.

Posted on by joseph mauricio

GRACE

Many spiritual traditions refer to GRACE as a state where we are aligned to a higher purpose and connected to the inherent power of the universe. We might feel guided by the light of God, in accord with the blessings of a teacher and their lineage, or a personal connection to our higher being. This brings a sense of blessings whereby we are freed of personal concerns and aligned to a greater purpose. Many feel a sense of ease because we are not struggling to live a life dictated by greed, defensiveness and doubt. We are instead entrusted with the care and concern for all beings. And, as we are one of those beings, we can be likewise be held by the firm and gentle hands of compassion. 

Although the state of grace connects us to the timeless, our personal experience is nonetheless temporary. As profound as it is, grace comes and goes. Sometimes we feel blessed in our everyday life. Unfortunately more often, we feel we are fighting uphill just to get through our day. Becoming mindful allows us to see these oscillating patterns more clearly so we can learn to enhance our connection to grace. We see that when we are open and in a place of acceptance, we feel more aligned to the universe and held in its loving hands. When we close down and become insular, we may find our connection to grace wanes. It is important to know that we have not done anything wrong. Humans are relatively new life on earth. We have learned a lot about using materials to our benefit, but we are still learning how to navigate our spirituality. With mindfulness practice and the awareness of the ramifications of our actions we can begin to steer away from self aggrandizement and the limitations that it imposes. We can move toward the open space of kindness and caring. This opens us to grace.

The fallacy is that we feel grace happens to us regardless of our actions. Or, on the other extreme, that we have to make it happen of our own will. The truth is in the middle. It takes some intention on our part, but also a lot of letting go and acceptance so we can receive. In this way, it is as though we are partnering with the universe. We can’t make grace happen as though it were an act of ego, but we can prepare the ground for the experience. One important tool is to soften our heart and begin to learn how to accept ourselves.

In the Shambhala teachings, there is the directive to be “kind to ourselves and merciful to others.” This is actually a spiritual equation. Having the emotional space to be merciful, depends on kindness to ourselves. If the golden rule is to treat others as we would be treated ourselves, the diamond rule might be to treat yourself as you hope to be treated by others, so you can treat others with kindness and grace.  This allows others to trust us and increases the probability that life will treat us well. It is a complete circuit. Love in and love out. We generate that circuit by creating the love in our own heart first. Our heart and its self compassion is the battery that powers the love in and love out circuit.

I have a dear friend I love very much. We were talking about this prospect of kindness to oneself and they listed all the places they wish they were more kind in their life. At the end they threw in “and learn to be kind to myself, as well.” And I thought maybe they have it backwards. Being kind to yourself is the first step to repairing our disconnect to others. Our connection to others is a way of connecting to the loving power of the universe. Learning to be kind to ourselves is the first step toward living in grace. And when we fall out of grace, the remedy is to increase the love for ourselves. We boycott the self recrimination. Beating ourselves up feels like we are guiding ourselves back into alignment, but is only bad self-parenting. It is actually closing ourselves off to our own loving heart, which is the generative power of creation. The remedy is to rekindle the fire of kindness.

With our meditation practice, we develop the discipline to act with love regardless of our perceived mistakes. People want to feel our love, not listen to our apologies. When we generate the feeling of loving kindness for ourselves, we are preparing the ground to receive the loving hands of the universe.