RISE UP AND SIT DOWN

Gaining Mastery Over Our Suffering: the Courage to Face Our Pain

I would like to address rising up and facing our pain as a way of navigating a life of turmoil and challenge. This is not to over dramatize life’s difficulties or to define ourselves by pain. Rather, by facing what is truly happening, we can minimize the suffering in order to work with the pain.

Therefore, distinguishing pain from suffering is key. It is said that pain is inevitable, while suffering is optional. Pain may accompany growth or even be necessary for it. Working through pain brings physical strength and emotional maturity. However, our interpretation of pain often complicates our view and tension amplifies it into suffering. We take pain personally, becoming entangled in hypotheticals, judgment, and resentment. Instead of meeting pain, as it is, in order to work with it, we struggle against it, giving it power over us. This creates great Suffering. Yet, since suffering is optional, it can be addressed and reduced.

The point isn’t to get rid of the pain. The point is to reduce the suffering we create, so we can address the pain. As we age, when our back hurts its natural and not aimed at us personally. Yet thoughts of how we hate aging, fears of what might come or how we might need to change what is happening and how the government might be implicated in any of it are not helpful. I have found that when I experience back pain, I reflexively curl away from it contorting my body into an unhealthy shape. This supports the disability and promotes a mindset of suffering. Instead of running away from the pain, I’ve learned to lean in to it remembering to breathe and gently ease up past the pain, into my best posture. This is not about pushing into the pain in damaging and dangerous ways. It’s about feeling into it and gently moving past it to a posture of authority. This actually helps diminish the pain and release the suffering we create because of it.  I have found that gentle persistence toward regaining somatic authority is possible. I don’t have to be owned by my pain. I can learn to live with it, and even learn from it.  And in this way, I can limit the suffering I create in frustration of the inevitable. Frustration is an easy out when we’re in pain, but it is not helpful to healing. Kindness, ease and awareness are essential for us to support ourselves.

But this talk is not about back pain. This talk is also about our mental and emotional health and how with meditation we are retraining the mind away from reflexive reactions so we have a way of working with pain that allows us to gain mastery over suffering. The title of this talk is “Sit Down and Rise Up.” Or, maybe “Rise Up and Sit Down” depending on its whim. By sitting down and connecting to the earth, we ground ourselves in the present. With practice, we grow comfortable with our own presence and begin to connect to our innate dignity, confidence, and well-being. Rising up in a gently uplifted posture lengthens the spine, creating space for tension to release and openness to dawn. With practice we become confident with openness. Openness, in turn, engenders more confidence in not just our spirit, but our body. With practice we become familiar with the warrior’s seat, and are able to return to it.

Our body and mind are sometimes in cahoots with suffering. The mind might attach to a darkness and the body might tighten in reaction. For instance, defensiveness often triggers a somatic constriction, arrogance has its puffed up posture, and depression is a collapse of body and mind. These physical and mental reactions to fear happen so quickly they feel inevitable. We assume it’s natural to collapse when sad, shiver when cold, or tense up when threatened. But these responses do not protect us, in fact they often amplify the pain, or support the disfunction causing it. Ironically, the tension we instinctively adopt when we feel threatened is entirely counterproductive. Tension reduces the body’s ability to respond and it clouds the mind. No martial arts teacher trains students to be tense, frightened, or defensive. Instead, they are trained to be relaxed and open, ready to respond to what is happening. In life, what is happening is not always what we think. The only reliable defense to an unpredictable world is to pay attention. And paying attention requires relaxation and confidence.

Training the mind to pause when threatened and turn its attention to the body allows us awareness in the present. And, if a threat is real, awareness is our best defence. Therefor the base point of this journey is a relaxed body, open heart, and clear mind. With meditation practice, we repeatedly return to this base point with the breath, teaching our body, emotions, and mind to learn to return to our base point in real-life situations. This posture becomes our command position, where we see more clearly and face challenges with calm strength.

Seeing clearly requires moving beyond judgment-based biases, which are often projections of past wounds. Judgment is a reflexive defense that distances us from the present, limiting clarity and effective action. Instead, we synchronize the mind with the body, breathing through fear until we can assess the situation clearly. Assessment, unlike judgment, is simple and self-reflective. It acknowledges fear without blame and responds thoughtfully.

This principle is critical for martial artists, who remain present and open rather than reactive. In contrast, action movies often glorify revenge or hatred as motivation, creating a satisfying but false narrative. Real strength lies in remaining open and responsive, not closed off by anger or fear.

For example, Muhammad Ali trained himself to relax and release tension when struck by an opponent, by famously using the “rope-a-dope” strategy. By leaning back on the ropes, dancing and smiling, not only replenished his energy, but seriously disheartened his opponents. When balanced, he faced the moment rather than retreating, demonstrating mastery over both his body and mind.

Rising up to meet the moment—rather than defeating or escaping it—is a better way to defend ourselves and face life’s challenges. This openness, practiced over time, resonates with even the most fearful parts of our minds. Meeting obstacles with awareness, we align the body, mind, and spirit to face the outer and inner challenges of life. Even adopting an upright posture for two minutes can produce confidence-enhancing hormones, reinforcing our sense of agency over a situation.

Once we learn to rise to pain, we no longer allow fear, anger, or pain to cower us. This reduces suffering, confusion, and mental conflict. It’s as though we rise up and shake off the baggage we once thought was protecting us. Sitting down to rise up is the warrior’s proclamation—a way to cultivate gentleness toward ourselves, which translates into effectiveness in the world.

Living fearlessly does not mean living without fear. True fearlessness is the ability to look at fear and see it as an ally.

POST TRAUMATIC LOVE

The Heartbreak Clash

Lord Gampopa, a seminal figure in Tibetan Buddhism, taught that we are the “working basis” of our liberation. In other words, who we are—our body, mind, spirit, work, life, and relationships—holds all the information we need for our freedom. We don’t have to look beyond ourselves. The key is to look beneath the surface turmoil and learn from what’s right in front of us. This requires taking things less personally and seeing the path as a practical, step-by-step process, not some distant cosmic reach. Maybe the cosmic is right here, right now.

On the flip side, sometimes we place so much pressure on the present moment that we take it too personally, making things harder for ourselves and others. The present is just a blip in our flow—we meet the moment and move on. But when we hit a snag, it can occupy much more of our time and energy than is helpful. If we could retrain our minds to notice and let go, we might see difficulties as opportunities to learn who we are and how we behave, freeing ourselves from the habitual patterns that keep us stuck.

The cocoon we build around ourselves is meant to protect us, and we cling to it tightly. We begin to believe that this reductive state is who we are, and proclaim, “No one knows me,” as we search for someone who will “get” us. But do we even understand ourselves? Maybe the person we think is misunderstanding us could reveal something new about who we are.

Conflict often arises when we cling to our defenses. This is not to say defenses are inherently wrong or unhelpful, but when we identify with them, we mistake them for ourselves. Since defenses are only partial aspects of who we are, identifying with them limits our lives. Over time, we start feeling claustrophobic and dissatisfied, wanting to break free of those limiting beliefs. The easy way out is to blame others: “This is toxic, I have to leave!” But that often leads to the next entanglement, where we replay old traumas. The goal of the Buddhist path is to help us see beyond these patterns, gently recognizing them as limitations.

Each time we notice the mind clinging, grasping, or fixating, and acknowledge it, we can let go and return to clarity. This is what meditators call “coming back.” Each time we return, we crack open the cocoon, letting more sunlight in. With practice, we can rest in a state of unclouded clarity, which becomes our foundation. From there, we step into new possibilities, rather than merely repeating the past. When we react out of fear or anxiety, we can only do what we’ve done before. How many times in relationships have we said, “Let’s make a fresh start,” only to end up repeating the same cycle? Without returning to zero, to openness, our next move isn’t truly creative. Acting out of pain or anxiety only reinforces past injuries, carrying them with us into every new situation.

I once dated an astrologer who, after reading our charts, told me we had a rare but perfect astrological conflict called the “heartbreak clash.” It seemed insurmountable, and everything we read suggested it was impossible to overcome. But along with the clash came an undeniable attraction. We felt drawn to the conflict, as if we had to overcome it. “I always go for damaged angels” or “every partner I choose is the wrong one”—maybe we’re all damaged angels, and there’s no such thing as a “wrong” partner. Maybe there are only partners who push the right buttons to unlock parts of us.

I went to another astrologer, a Vajrayana Buddhist practitioner, who, after looking at our chart, said, “Classical astrologers would tell you to get out. But my teacher, Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, would smile and say, ‘I don’t see a problem.'” He beamed at me and continued, “It’s our vow as Vajrayana practitioners to transmute the difficulties in our lives and find the wisdom at their core. This situation is perfect for that.”

Opening to these deep wounds can release enormous energy. We instinctively shy away from this because we don’t want to face what lies beneath. Trauma isn’t just painful; it’s the avoidance of that pain that prolongs it. We cover our wounds, hiding them from the light, and they fester. We flinch at the thought of touching those wounds, carrying them around without acknowledging them. The heartbreak clash offers an opportunity to unlock that puzzle. Imagine stepping through the iron cocoon of your defenses, even if only occasionally, and seeing things in a fresh light. That is love. And love isn’t separate from pain; it exists alongside it. Our focus is the choice we make.

However, love brings our past traumas into the present. At work, in public, or on the street, we can keep our wounds hidden, pretending to be okay. But what does “okay” really mean? Okay according to others’ standards? Or according to what we think others expect of us? And what does “starting over” mean if we haven’t learned the lessons of our past?

Once we cross into love, it opens a whole new dimension. It’s like a friendship evolving into something deeper. As soon as we do, we give the other person access to those dangerous, hidden places we’ve tried to protect. This makes relationships both challenging and invaluable.

But the other person isn’t directly touching our wounds; they’re triggering the defenses we’ve placed around them. More importantly, we’re not seeing our wounds; we’re seeing them through the lens of our defenses. The easy way out is to blame—to fixate on the other person, diverting attention from ourselves. This blocks our ability to learn. Another shortcut is judgment: believing the other person is wrong by some standard. But what does that really mean? By whose standards? Humans notoriously adjust ethical scales to serve their own self-interest. We can quote the Bible, the Buddha, or any law book to justify our point, but all we’re really doing is hiding our fear of what lies beneath.

Erich Fromm, the philosopher and therapist, said that true love occurs when two people are ready for the same thing. Maybe every love teaches us something different about ourselves, until we finally find someone else. Perhaps we failed to see those opportunities because we were focused on the flaws of others. But ultimately, we are the only ones we can change. And we’re often the last ones we want to see. It takes time to be ready to see ourselves. Yet, looking inward is the only way to be truly honest—and honesty is what frees us from our defenses, step by step.

This is the essence of transformation in Vajrayana Buddhism: the power to break free from the chains of our fear, burning them away in the fire of our passion.

PRESENT TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER

Working With Emotions, Healing Our World

Today is Veterans Day, 2025. I want to acknowledge all those who have served, suffered, and even lost their lives so that the rest of us may live relatively free and open lives. Veterans include not only those who served in the military, but also the families of those who died in service. However, there are many who have sacrificed for the cause of freedom and liberation within our own shores. The first black children integrated into schools, the first students who spoke out against an unjust Vietnam War, and those who currently challenge human participation in climate change, racial violence and societal hatred. With great respect for those who have served our military, I also want to recognize all who have suffered and been wounded in life, yet continue to face the world with courage.

Many of us feel shaken, frightened, and insecure these days—whether we put on a strong front or collapse wrapped in the fabric of time and space on our bed. We are human, and being human is a complex endeavor. Humans hurt, and humans heal. Hurt humans hurt humans. But healing humans, heal humans.

I work as a coach, chaplain, and teacher. And I am often on call for people in my life who need me. I don’t deserve any medals for this, because, in truth, it is very healing for me. I’ve been fortunate to structure my life around spiritual work, both individually and within communities. It allows me to take the pain I’ve endured and transform it into empathy and understanding for others. Though my pain is by no means comparable to the suffering many have faced, it has a very real effect on me. My wounds hold me back as I try and protect them behind defensive walls of blame, resentment and inebriation.

I started my journey with meditation when I was most confused about how to move forward. Each step forward seemed to be met with a step back—sometimes a frozen moment, sometimes a lashing out, sometimes a dive into extreme tequila to numb the pain of indecision. These may sound like champagne problems—or in my case, a tequila-and-cocaine problem—but it still kept me from fully participating in life. I was always healing, always beginning again, but the object of healing was undefined, so this process only supporting my impairment. It wasn’t until I began looking at the things that were blocking me that I could begin to heal.

The Buddhist path, the 12-step systems, and many therapeutic and spiritual paths encourage us to start with acknowledging the problem. For the alcoholic, that acknowledgment is simply their addiction and their powerlessness over it.  Buddhists, acknowledging the pain we endure and look at how trying to deny, avoid or struggle with that truth creates great suffering.  This acknowledgment doesn’t have to be measured against anyone else’s experience—it’s our own pain we’re recognizing. Just as some alcoholics enter recovery with what their friends might see as a minimal problem, and others are urged to enter treatment because their addiction is overt, once we step onto the path of recovery, our journeys are equal. The same is true for the Buddhist path. Once we acknowledge our own pain, we don’t have to compare it to anyone else. However, we can see commonality as we begin to see the pain in the world. Reflexively, once we see the pain in the world, we can begin to understand it more deeply within ourselves.

In healing communities, and discussion groups we are often encouraged to speak from the “I” posture. When we present grand ideas about how the world should be, we evoke resistance and counter propositions. But no one can argue when we express our true feelings about our own pain and suffering. Being honest with ourselves in the present moment, acknowledging how we are hurting, is the first step toward transformation. And by transformation, I don’t mean we will somehow escape our pain for a “better” life. Alcoholics will always be alcoholics, whether sober or not. Buddhists will always face human pain, whether enlightened or not. In fact, it’s possible that the Buddha experienced more pain after his enlightenment than he did before. Trungpa, Rinpoche said that spiritual transformation is not turning lead into gold. It is turning lead into lead. However it is lead we’ve acknowledged and understood so that we can to learn to work with it.

The Buddha’s journey began when he realized there was a world beyond the walls of his father’s palace. As a young prince, he was given every luxury and every training to succeed his father as head of the Shakya clan. Yet, there was an itch inside him—a sense of unease that even all his wealth and privilege could not soothe. Like many of us, especially in our youth, that discomfort manifested as an urge to see the world outside the palace walls. He eventually rebelled, snuck out, and was shocked by the pain and suffering he saw in the world. This sparked his desire to understand the nature of pain. The more he exposed himself to suffering, the more deeply he felt it, and it became clear that his path was not to escape pain, but to understand it—both his own suffering and that of others—in hopes of alleviating the suffering we create.

Ultimately, the Buddha realized that none of us can escape pain. But as is said, while pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. We amplify our suffering by refusing to acknowledge our pain. Once we do, we can begin to process it and transform it into a tool for understanding others. Understanding others, whether we agree with them or not, is a profound purpose in life. By de-emphasizing the importance of our self-cherishing, we can look beyond the walls we build around ourselves and start to see how we can communicate, connect, and ultimately heal the world around us.

FACING TODAY

Many of us were shocked by the results of the election. Personally, this was a resounding shot across the bow of my serenity and well being. The voice of the people apparently spoke to underwrite a massive upheaval of our political self-identification.

Although Vice President Harris tried to position herself as being aligned with change, she was very much a Washington insider. The Republican vote was a clear repudiation of our country’s standard operating procedures. Among other things this vote has pushed Washington aside for a radical new approach to governance that could likely reshape our society. While there are obviously those excited by this prospect, there are many who are untrusting of this aggressive leap toward a conservative view, which is now endowed to all of us.  We are not alone. Much of the world is facing drastic swings to the right. It seems to be in the air.

Whether this is a natural swing of the social pendulum, or a reaction to unspoken fears of climate disasters and over population, the new configuration in the US seems to echo the Russian model of a strong man, supported by a like minded politi- bureau and a strong oligarchy. In our nascent form we only have one oligarch, but He is the wealthiest of all and has controlling interests already tied to the government. Some of us are very frightened by this.

But, mind can run wild. We can hark back to Germany in the 30’s, or leap forward to a frightened neo Orwellian world. Or, we can choose to stay here and n abandon ourselves or our people. The only refuge practitioners have is to rest in the present, hold space for a shifting world, and open our eyes. No matter how much we want to avert our gaze, looking directly into the eclipse may be all that we can do.  Before we take the bait and assign blame for anything, can we look inward and see if we were present and paying attention while all of this was taking place?

It’s not about Trump. He won decidedly. The senate and Supreme Court have republican majorities. Maybe the House will, as well. Most of our country seems okay with this. Maybe we’re a different country than we thought. Maybe it’s about facing today and seeing ourselves. Facing today. Can we look at this new country, as it is, without creating more chaos and exaggeration? Can we look at ourselves with love and compassion without losing our strength? Now, more than ever can we remain strong enough to be kind?

Thanks for listening. Here is a clip from post election a social post by Venus Williams:

You are awakening to the
same country you fell asleep to.
The very same country.

Pull yourself together.

And,
when you see me,
do not ask me
“What do we do now?
How do we get through the next four years?”

Some of my Ancestors dealt with
at least 400 years of this
under worse conditions.

Continue to do the good work.
Continue to build bridges not walls.
Continue to lead with compassion.
Continue the demanding work
of liberation for all.
Continue to dismantle broken systems,
large and small.
Continue to set the best example
for the children.
Continue to be a vessel of nourishing joy.

Continue right where you are.
Right where you live into your days.

Do so in the name of
The Creator who expects
nothing less from each of us.

And if you are not “continuing”
ALL of the above,
in community, partnership, collaboration?
What is it you have been doing?
What is it you are waiting for?

And please join us tonight for an open and free online discussion Facing Today beginning at 7pm.

POST ELECTION STRESS DISCUSSION TONIGHT 7PM (ET)
meeting link: https://tinyurl.com/DharmaJunkies/

FACING TOMORROW

I would like to talk about facing tomorrow. In some cases, this could be looking directly into the face of danger – or many dangers. If we’re honest, we just don’t know.  And, it’s natural to be frightened when we are unsure of an outcome. But are we ever really sure of a future outcome? Or is surety based on safely believing what we are compelled to believe? “Everything happens for a reason.” “God will protect us.” “Karma means the good guys win in the end.” We grasp for easy answers to assuage our fear. And frequently none of these answers are true.

Fear is a natural response to not knowing. Grasping for something seemingly tangible just to feel secure ironically leaves us vulnerable and unprotected. It is no value to pretend we know what we just don’t know. But, what we do know is that awareness is the best defence. To arm ourselves with awareness, it is essential that we are willing to see what’s happening. Fear happens, not knowing happens. If this is the case, it’s important to acknowledge that. We don’t know what will happen, and we are frightened. But fear does not need to limit us. Fear can either be a doorway or a wall. With courage and belief in ourselves we can accept our fear, admit we don’t know, and  face what happens. We can do this if we develop confidence in our own goodness, and the goodness of our awake nature.

Confidence and fear are not mutually exclusive. Fear is an experience humans have had throughout existence. Fear has kept us alive, awake and present. If we don’t recoil from the experience of fear, fear will create an edge that keeps us awake. In fact, it is a mistake to believe that fear signifies a problem. Fear might signify the possibility of a problem, but if we pay attention, we can move forward and see what actually lies before us. And knowing the truth is always 0ur best defense. To have our life, our joy, our spirits subsumed in worry over things we cannot control is is not protecting us, although it is robbing us of our life. The life force within us is more powerful than we understand. Maybe one of the most powerful forces in the universe.  The stream of life is a powerful experience that we can tap into whenever we are present and aware.

Buddhist teachings suggest that our life force stems from our life source. Our humanity is an expression of that source. We can learn to rest in source. It is at once universal and personal. It is our Buddha nature. When we rest in that awake nature we are doing all we need to maintain our humanity. We don’t have to be bigger, stronger, funnier or louder than how we are feeling. Circumstances outside of our control often force us to deny our humanity by reacting in ignorance and becoming something we are not. This is quite dishonest. We follow paths because other people lead us and sometimes these paths are not to our benefit or the benefit of our world. We believe that mindlessly following the status quo, or our elite subset of the status quo, will provide us what we need for security and happiness. And we need any number of things to supply the basic requirements for life. However, to the broken parts of us, none of this is ever enough so we want what we don’t have. We mistake things we want for what we need. Often we are searching for what we want so relentlessly we ignore the things we need. This keeps us agitated and unhappily trying to find happiness as we become more and more depleted of our vital spirit. Wanting is, by definition, not accepting. Wanting is desiring different circumstances than what we have.

If, for instance, we really want love in our life, there is evidence that finding that love within ourselves is a necessary requisite. If we love ourselves, we are less inclined to be led by circumstances that are not to our benefit. If we love ourselves, we have a gift that no one can take from us. We can find strength in that love. And we can build confidence in that love. However, this “essential love” is not indulgence. It is not self-cherishing or self-defending which are the province of ego. Our ego proclaims itself so loudly it does not need encouragement. Ego proclamation is a reaction to fear. We get frightened, so we puff up like a blowfish porcupine. But, it is hollow and never enough.

Also, most reactions we have to fear only make us more vulnerable and less able to actually protect ourselves. The single most important thing we need for protection from danger is awareness. But, awareness comes from a stable and open mind. In other words, a stable and open mind rests on acceptance of what is happening here and now. When we are lost in a state of fearful confusion we are giving up on ourselves. We are allowing ourselves to be led by the nose. We are likely to become victims.  Aggressive forces throughout societal evolution have instilled fear in the populace to gain control. Fear of immigrants across the border. Fear of witches in the village. Fear of our own urges under our bed sheets. All of those fears make us vulnerable to be led by anybody wishing to control us. It’s ironic that people who believe so much in the strength in their own individualism as we Americans do, can be led into situations where others can steer them quite effectively. The more aggressive we are, the more easily we are led.

Facing the possibility of change with an open heart, a strong back and a clear mind is nonviolent warriorship which is the seat of the bodhisattva. Connecting to our inner life force, we find a strength that can lead us forward. Sit down, rise up and meet the change. There is great strength in this. Finding false strength in what everybody else is doing or in reacting to what everyone else is doing, which is the same, are just expressions of being controlled by fear. On the other hand, bravery is sitting in the maelstrom, open and aware, feeling our fear and remaining open and clear. Doing this as a training practice every morning is how we remain spiritually fit and connected to our life.

But we don’t have to perform or be supersized to show up for life. We can just do it. We can step past the fear. We can meet the day with humility and grace and trust in our basic goodness.  Standing at the door we might be afraid that if we walk through we won’t be up to the task. But all we have to do is simply be present. Let your mind be busy, let the world be crazy, let other people pull and tug but remain in your seat like a spiritual warrior.  That is your birthright.

Love yourself so that you can love your world.

Whatever happens tomorrow is what happens tomorrow. Take this opportunity to connect to your awake nature finding strength in that, remain steadfast and present in promoting love and goodness in your world.