PROCRASTINATION

UNDERSTANDING PROCRASTINATION

I’ve been planning on writing this post for years. Recently, my notes have been buried somewhere in a pile of papers on my desk. I’ve been planning on going through that pile for a while. 

Why is it we find doing the things we want to do, so hard to do?

Many of us will do what we have to do. We’ll show up for work when we’re sick so as not to waste a sick day when we’re not able to enjoy it. I’ll push myself to complete tasks when there are pressured demands, but find it hard to exercise, walk, meditate, write, or do any of the things that would enrich my life. It’s as though I’m not worth the effort. Of course, I am worth it. But what’s blocking me?

Some of us go in the other direction, spending too much time on things we think we want at the expense of the things we need. These excursions seem justified “I need to care for myself.”  But are distractions actually enriching us?  Caring for ourselves is important but when do we know when we are just being avoidant? We deserve to feel joyful about our lives. One of the things blocking our joy is all the things we have to do first – before we can relax.  I can’t go for a walk until I’ve finished my taxes. And I can’t get to my taxes until I’ve cleaned off the desk. And I can’t bear to look at the desk because I’m cooped up and claustrophobic. But looking at that pile on my desk just deflates me, so even tho I haven’t done anything, I’m too tired to go for a walk. I’ll just sit here chained to this stew and marinate.

It’s hard to get started when we feel defeated by the little things everybody else seems to accomplish so easily. It feels like we’re the only ones who put off till tomorrow what we maybe should do today. But this phenomenon is more common than we realize. Most of us have a pile of something somewhere that needs attention. The problem becomes compounded when we hold those things over our head and fail to do the things we need for our spirit, because of the material things we feel have have to take care of first. I can go for a walk. Who has the time? So we fail to address the piles on the desk, in our closet, down basement or clogging our inbox.  And that keeps us from doing the things we want to do for our heart. Our life becomes a ledger of things we need to do and what we haven’t done. That is a sad way to view our life.

So why don’t we do what we need to do? It may be that we are lazy, indulgent or undisciplined. That’s the way we’re programed to look at it.  Self-condemnation is a convenient default. But does berating ourselves do anything but  support the behavior?  Maybe what is actually happening at the core of our dysfunction is fear. Maybe we are scared of change and so lock away from our own life. In this sense, we are isolating from ourselves, cut off from our spiritual being. As the shaman asked the depressed person “When did you stop dancing?” “Why are you no longer singing in the morning?” “When do you last connect to your natural being in nature?”

But what about my pile?!

Maybe the pile, or the to-do list, the closet, is how our fearful mind is holding on.  As long as we have these undone things, we remain stuck. And when we’re stuck, we’re protected from change.  We hold ourselves in place with white knuckles and grit teeth. In the meantime, we are not only avoiding the thing we’re procrastinating, we are also not doing the things that encourage wellness and joy. We are bound up tightly in a ball of stuck.  This makes sense as the underlying energy is fear. We are protecting ourselves from change. Unfortunately, this also “protects” us from growth. We are stuck. That’s really all it is. Fear and stuck.

This is especially true when through guilt we begin to feel inadequate and incapable. It’s like a clamp locking down the weight. We are not lazy. We are fearful, and all the undone things in life are simply weights holding us down. We might be more fearful of our self-anger than whatever it is we’re avoiding. Usually, we do this to avoid stepping out of the cocoon. Getting anything done implies forward movement. And moving forward is moving out of the protective cocoon.

Okay then, if it’s about fear, maybe I should relate to myself as I would to someone fearful.  Are self-admonishment or recrimination appropriate responses to someone who already feels beaten down and overwhelmed?

Acknowledgement, acceptance, loving kindness and forgiveness are useful tools.  Acceptance of what needs to be done, acceptance of our fear of completion, taking the time to engender loving kindness and compassion for the unfinished work, and then removing our burden through forgiveness and letting go.

Acknowledgment means we are not running from the unfinished work. We are facing it. Acceptance means we are touching in with our fear and eschewing all self-judgement, then we can triage and isolate ONE THING that we can do to begin. We can then apply loving kindness meditation to this. Feeling ourselves generate love for the work we are about to do. Then we can forgive ourselves and turn back to love whether or not we have completed the task.

As we develop a loving acceptance for ourselves and our piles, we are better positioned to let go into the work of completion – one step at a time. Here are some pointers: 1) Do less than your ego demands, Just do what you have to do today. 2) avoid all negative self talk. It is not helping. 3) apply loving kindness practice and 4) let go into forgiveness. Care for your heart and spirit. These are the most important things we need to stay resilient and present.

Then, forget the pile, get out of the house and take a walk.

 

 

 

 

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