Category: Teaching

LETTING GO OF WHAT YOU KNOW 

As you’ve no doubt experienced, meditation theory – from Zen koans to Indian Yoga – often posits contradictions. In meditation we sit up in order to settle down, as we cultivate the seeming opposites of paying attention and relaxing. But what seems contradictory to convention is often complementary to the mind of meditation. The Mind of meditation is more relaxed, and hence, can see a greater spectrum of possibility than the its usual binary categorizations.  The perplexities of life are posited as contradictions forcing us to THINK about the thinking process. Magic happens when the conceptual mind becomes frustrated in an attempt to fit reality into a frame it finds comforting. The mind might let go, surrender and open into a grander perspective.

This is the experience of the open space of possibility. It is a space beyond contradiction. In fact, it is a space where contradiction has never existed. It is the space of complete potential.

But, how do we get there? Well, in meditation, we simply sit and stop the mind, so that freed of itself, it can begin to see itself. What we begin to see is the vast potential of space, and the layers of ideas that we have created to try and make sense of that space. In order for us to make sense of the profusion of information available to the senses, our consciousness can be reduced to simple dualities. The conceptual mind, conditioned by the past and looking toward the future, – themselves a duality – tries to find meaning.  Contradiction implies language, as in posing a contrary dictum.  Therefore labeling is an assumption based on the conflation of more subtle inter-energetic exchanges. Realistically, we need labels to communicate. The problems arise as we begin to identify with the labels and automatically assign assumptive meaning based on uninvestigated and unrecognized feelings. We conflate history, physical sensation, emotional content and any number of environmental or societal factors into a judgement based on this and that, good and bad. We take these judgements for granted. We assume that our view of  “good” and ‘bad” actually means something to the universe.

We are born with a basic goodness and natural inquisitiveness. As we grow older, we lose that natural inquisitiveness. The mind begins to configure around smaller and smaller sets of circumstances, as it avoids change instigated by outside stimulus. It is comfortable to rest in the known even if that known is painful or obviously limiting. We investigate less and less until one day, we investigate no further. Eventually, it seems labels are all there is to life. We take these labels for granted substituting designation for actual experience.  Because these labels are without substance, they are inherently unsatisfying. Therefore, in our panic for sustenance, we grip and cling to the idea of things, even as contact with those things becomes more and more elusive. Sadly the more we grasp, the less we have.

Ancient Buddhist wisdom warns against mistaking the finger pointing to the moon, for the moon itself. We confuse the labels for the essence. But, each time we take these designations to be real, we discourage further investigation.  We take the label as the truth and reduce awareness to a limited dimensional perspective. In religion, science, society and even our meditation practice, we begin to aggressively reinforce concepts with an intensity of ego identification and magical supposition. We dualize our view and begin to demonize opposites in order to further entrench our position. And thus, we are further and further from the truth. We fabricate concepts and magical abstraction as fingers become doctrine, spirituality becomes religion and supposition supplants discovery.  The mind creates any number of overlays to help it create narrative and context for its perceptions. Our conditioning, being basically materialistic, will try and assign a value judgement and meaning to the designations we assign.  The path of Meditation is a journey toward awakening from the overlay of concepts toward a direct perception of reality. According to Indian and Tibetan Buddhism, the truth of experience is that life is simply as it is. Life is actually so simple and direct that it lies well beyond any language capability. The path of meditation is the journey from sleepwalking through life, to actually experiencing life first hand, in real time. We go from taking designations for granted, through seeing the process of conceptualizing our life, to being willing to deconstruct the constructs. When we least expect it, and certainly when we don’t intend, we will actually glimpse naked experiences of reality. However, it may seem unsettling to our conceptual mind to rest in an undesignated space, without identification.  We need to pass beyond a significant firewall to actually rest in undesignated space. Because this open space is with0ut footholds, there is little change to create an identity. This experience must seem sad, frightening and disorientating to a conceptual mind addicted to identification with itself.  Each time we glimpse beyond thinking to naked reality, the conceptual mind confronts its own obsolescence. And yet, the experience is also quite exciting to another part of mind. ng our once we have accepted this experience, the conceptual mind, with amazing tenacity, will attempt to reconfigure itself to “own” the new experience. “Yes, this was ‘me’ all along.” However, comfort in identifying with this “deeper meaning” is simply grasping to another, ultimately unsatisfying, layer of construct.  If one remains faithful to the path of discovery, it will have to be let go. This is quite painful.  It takes patience and persistence to move beyond the defensive constructs of the firewall.  Two minds? Well. there are many. In the same way indigenous people’s of the arctic are said to have thousands of words for ice, the Tibetans have many designations for mind. These can be placed in three categories: conceptual thinking mind, nonconceptual feeling mind and our present experience. I say ‘present experience’ to distinguish from the other categories of mind, which reference an identity forged by a relationship with past and future. Simply put, our identity based on past associations and expectations of the future cannot exist in the actual present. Thus, our ideas, concepts and overlays can also not exist there. With the absence of identification  and conceptualization all that is left, is everything there is.

At some point, the mind, confounded by its inability to label this growing vastness of experience, will simply stop doing that. At that point, there is no meditation at all. There is simply what is. And while that much less than we make of it, it is actually much more than we understand.

We simply cannot grasp reality with the iron tongs of concept. We cannot grasp at all, as there is inherently nothing there to hold.  In order to touch reality, we can only land, albeit briefly, with open arms and meet it on its own terms.  In meditation practice, we train the mind to loosen its identification with itself in order to more accurately rest in the moment.  At that point, we are able see beyond our self-interest into the open space of possibility. We may feel harmonic associations to our past, but we do not confuse that with what is happening now. We relax our grip and let go of the past in order to see this moment as it is. In this way, we are both mindful of the moment and mindful of our process. And, we are letting go of the interference due to gripping from the panic of identification.

Consider an open hand. If we close the hand, we obscure the object. If we grip the hand, we actually change the object. At some point, out of our own panic, we will actually kill the object. In that sense, we have beaten the unpredictability of the universe. We have frozen a dead object in place. But, even then our object is subject to change. In fact, we have not saved the object at all. We have only frozen the meaning, we have solidified the designation, while we have lost the essence. In order to free reality of life from the prison of interpretation, we must have have the bravery to allow things to be as they are. Things as they are are fundamentally beyond our control. But, if we are willing to loosen control, we are able to allow each moment, every thought and every breath its own liberation. By letting go, letting be and opening up to what is, we liberate ourselves from the designations, expectations and obligations of our mind.  Letting go of the probable, the supposed, the compulsions, addictions, obligations, identifications and delineations of our experience is knowing that we do not know. And that is a truly remarkable position. Coming to the end of our road, is quite fortunate. Then we can give up, let go, and open to the landscape as it is. Becoming possible.

Becoming now and only that.

However, by the time you read this, it’s over.  Something else is happening. All that was now is now gone. And now there is everything else.  So, we are left with nothing but sitting, and sitting still, until the mind gives up control, as it will in any case, in death. Only to surrender now in life. To release ourselves of its limitations with every breath in every moment. And, in each moment life becomes possible.

There is a strength in a commitment to love. There is assurance in a commitment to non-violence. And, there is an unshakable power in a commitment to understanding. I will NOT act out of reflex, but will hold to the moment until I understand what is best. I will act when conscious. And, I will eschew all reflexive defenses that close communication and rely on awareness, as my best defense.

I will build no walls.

Now going into a new set of elections, the most powerful nation on earth will bargain for its heart. And, where is our heart? Are we one nation under God, as we were brought up proclaiming, reciting as a mantra, so we will never forget? Or are we an ocean of people willing to find common cause in order to keep some of the pie. In truth, ‘American’ is a designation with little meaning except as it defines itself in defiance to others. We are ‘American’ not South American, or North American, Central American, or Mexican. We are not Indian, or Native American. Nor are we in the U.S. native to anything, really. We don’t belong, really to anything except the belief that we are something in relation to other things. And, as that is an admittedly fragile platform, we reinforce our position by determining what we are NOT.  We gain more strength in our determination to NEVER become what we are not. Our leaders galvanize the populace in defiance of common enemies. Those enemies are a known threat. But their identity is determined by our position. We shore up barricades in the south to hold off barbarians to the north. In the east, we warn against armies of unwashed waiting in the west. Everything is a threat to someone, and we grow stronger in our determination to hold the other out. We are, in fact, one nation united against someone else’s God.

And so now, at the turn of the teens,  technology develops more quickly than sense and children learn to hate more than they know. We are joined in our disdain for the left, our hatred of the right, our fear of heaven and our acquiescence to hell. For, all of us follow God until we are backed into a corner. And, then deals are made that trade our dignity for the momentary assurance of belonging.  We belong to heaven against earth, we belong those who oppose those who do not belong. To paraphrase my favorite philosopher Bill Hicks, we all want to create a people who hate people club, but we can’t get anyone to join. So, we do the next best thing, and create an object of our hatred in order to attract the masses.

And, we know, inside, that this is so very provisional. This carousel of cruelty turns with each season and reconfigures with each shift in power. One day we are in and the next, we are out. And, along the way, the more fear we cultivate, the easier we are to manipulate. The more entrenched we become in our hatred, the more quickly our base erodes when tides shift.

There simply must be more than this ancient surge to protect ourselves, this biting back on life with tooth and nail, this selling of our future to safeguard our past. There must be more. There must be love.

Oh, yeah. Love. Say amen. Sure. Love.

Love in the face of hatred? Really? Love is strong, yes. If we make love to our partner in the morning, we float out the door, and it lasts all the way to the freeway, or subway. Ok. But, should we fight with someone in the morning, our anger could last all day. Or, longer. Our anger could eventually define our life. And, then we are oh so easily led. If not Trumped by a demigod, then led around by our own nose like a beast of burden. Led by fear into the blind alleys of small mindedness and conformity. Everyone wants to be a rebel, wave the flag, be an insurgent, be the resistance. And the first thing you do? Pledge allegiance to your rebel state. Place a flag on your pickup and a gun in the window. An individualist, like all the rest.

Yes, love seems like not enough. Understanding looks too passive for change. Peace feels too calm to stand up to the fight. This is because love is not of ego’s creation. It was the first cause and its condition is that all things are possible. Love is natural. It is not stilted, nor configured around a temporary base. Love has the simple power of the universe behind it. In fact, it is the simple power of the universe. Love is not the province of any one God, but the reason for all of them. Love is a harder choice sometimes. But commitment to its principles is so strong. Outrageously strong. When hate feels like the sexy choice. When joining everyone else feels good. When building a wall no one can actually afford gets cheers in the hallowed halls of hatred, it time to sit still for a moment and learn to look at things. Perhaps it is time to make the brave choice, the outrageous effort to hold to principles of wakefulness, to not cause harm, and to never run from pain of the moment. To make choices that are best for all. That is strength. The strength to look at the world and see what needs to be done to heal it, and to pledge our allegiance to stay with the pain devoid of blame until each of us is liberated.

And, when we dedicate ourselves to the benefit of all beings, we are not excluding any.  We are not amassing strength at the expense of those weaker, on whom we can pour our enmity. We are believing in ourselves and feeling that love for all humanity. Until ALL beings are liberated. Not some at the expense of others. Until ALL beings are liberated.

That is the politics of love. The power to stand with humanity, and to believe in us completely. Love can be a powerful tool.

Is that naive?  If we use force against those who hate we will lose. Those who broker in power are well versed in hatred. As Dr. King told his crew, God said to love your enemy. He didn’t say you had to like (them). So, we can learn to bring love to all that we see as wrong, to al we see as problematic, to all we see as the other. We can bring love to the very things we dislike, and we can begin a dialogue right here. Right here in the loving arms of now.

 Jamie’s eyes were like pools of blue flame. Her spirit seemed to be trying to burst from her face. There was a natural exuberance and loveliness that manifested practically, and quite successfully, in the world. I loved her, and was jealous of her. We met while she was a student, working on her doctorate. Sarah Barab, a dear friend and wonderful teacher whom I’ve known for years and years introduced us at an event featuring Richard Davidson at the Rubin museum. Jamie was radiant. We were all so excited. The Rubin was buzzing, a gaggle of Ritchie Davidson groupies, like a Buddhist take on seeing Gaga, or Madonna.  We made a pact to meet and bring the work of taking a scientific approach to mindfulness practice to the world.

So, we founded the “Living Meditation Project”, and Jamie agreed to co-teach a new group I was calling “dharmajunkies”. On our first class, she and I sat in the ante-room of The Three Jewels, who had graciously agreed to host us. We got there right at start time, and waited for people to come. A few showed up here and there and we directed them into the shrine room. We were waiting for a reasonable quorum in order to begin. We had gotten caught up talking, as we would do. Her energy was infectious, and she had a way of making you feel as though your ideas were golden. It was as though she were drinking your mind, and adding more liquor as you became intoxicated. At some point someone poked their head out and asked if we were coming in. We went in and were surprised to find that the room was full with people waiting for us.

We met often here and there, discussing plans to bring our mutual passion for meditation to the world. She, Sarah and I did a wonderful workshop called “Embodied Wisdom” at Swanand Yoga. I taught the meditation, Sarah the texts, and Jamie did the science.  It was one of the great experiences of my teaching life. Everyone fell in love with Jamie.

As her star rose, it became harder for her to find the time to work. Yet, when we were able to meet, she always made me feel like it was a important to her.  She did that with everyone.  And, it was a powerful transmission because it was entirely genuine. She seemed to be genuinely honored to know humans of all kinds, in all their pain and beauty. She was never out of touch with how fortunate she was to spend time helping the world by bringing mindfulness practice into popular consciousness.  She would drink the passions of human experience and turn them into an elixir for waking life.

Jamie was not without her pain. And, she’d have little patience with hagiographic depictions of her divinity. She suffered from depressions, doubt and a loneliness that she never shared with me, but that you could feel in her heart and in her presence. There were wounds there that ran deeply into the heart of her. But, like all deities (okay, sorry, Jamie but I have to) her loneliness was part of the journey. Her heartbreak was motivation for accomplishment. And, her pain was the means to wakefulness.

Pain is common to all of us. It is through pain that we know each other. And through pain that we can rise in our humanity and learn to touch the essence of life–that is, to touch our humanity. And, it is our humanity – our compassion, kindness and basic goodness –  that we have to offer the universe.

I love her and miss her and, like many of us, felt that she was somehow awake and present, after her passing. Tuning in to her, I felt – as did many who knew her  – that her energy was as bright and optimistic as it had been in her life.  She has remained a voice of encouragement to me.

Its a short life, fraught with hardship and betrayal. But, it is not worth throwing ourselves away over a little heartbreak. We suffer, thats what we do. Its like a Geiko ad. Only there no insurance, really. All we can do is employ our energy to help ease that suffering, by attending to the suffering of others. That is to say, it is our right and could be our purpose, to express our humanity in the face pain.