Writing – Page 3 – Joseph Mauricio

Posted on August 19, 2024August 19, 2024 by joseph mauricio

SPEAKING TO EACH OTHER

I would like to introduce the community council. The idea behind this gathering is to create a mindful approach to communication in our lives and within our community. This will also allow awareness of ourselves, which enables progress on our path.

The Power of a Dharma Community: One of the remarkable things about a Dharma community, which is a mindful and intentional community, is that our everyday actions can be guided by our mindfulness practice. In turn, our mindfulness practice deepens when applied to our daily lives.

The Role of Communication: Communication is a fundamental aspect of everyday life. It’s the bridge to understanding each other. However, poor communication often creates barriers rather than bridges. While boundaries are necessary to maintain clarity and focus, they need not be barriers to communication. If the true purpose is communication, then understanding one another is our purpose. It is important to mentally restate that intention at the outset, as well as remind ourselves throughout.

Communication is not a speech, it is a dual process of speaking and listening.

Intentions Shape Communication: Our intentions set the tone for communication. If our goal is to belittle or attack, we close off the possibility of true dialogue. Effective communication is not about winning or dominating; it’s about reaching out to another’s heart and engaging with their basic human dignity. By doing so, we create the highest potential for a meaningful exchange. When we attack, we are forced to deal with the worst in another. When we treat the other with dignity, we are working with their best.

So, what is your intention? Is it to force another into your corner? Or, is it to open to a changeable creative exchange? Which of these possibilities teaches us more about ourselves and each other?

Openness in Communication: Openness is the second key aspect of communication. It implies changeability and creativity. True openness means allowing space for reflection, listening to our own words, and genuinely hearing the other person without judgment or interruption. It’s about giving others the authority to speak their truth without needing our approval.

The Council’s Purpose: The purpose of our community council is not to force conformity but to create a space where everyone feels they are heard. In moments of disagreement, it’s vital to retain our openness and respond thoughtfully, without aggression or coercion. Speaking from a place of truth allows us to communicate effectively, even when our views differ.

The Role of Council Members: As council members, we are entrusted with holding this space. We must empower ourselves and others to engage in mindful, open, and compassionate communication. Even when we’re triggered or uncomfortable, it’s important to stay grounded, remember our role, and guide newer members toward less aggressive communication.

Conclusion: In summary, open communication involves three key points:

Boundaries: Holding to our own truth without attacking others.
Openness: Speaking clearly and listening genuinely.
Empowerment: Holding our seat with confidence and guiding others toward mindful communication.

When we are empowered with confidence, we are cognizant of our own dignity, and not obligated to anyone’s approval. Then we can hold the space to allow a flow of ideas, some supporting and some challenging. Yet, if we hold our set and hold space we can enact out intention to create a community where everyone feels heard, respected, and valued.

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Posted on August 12, 2024August 12, 2024 by joseph mauricio

THE FEMININE

Understanding our Mother, Sister and Maiden

When exploring the feminine principle in human experience, we’re not specifically referring to women, but rather using the image of women as a gateway to understanding this essential energy. Everyone possesses both feminine and masculine energies, which together make up the whole integrated human experience.

Although masculine and feminine are inseparable, we can separate them to examine the distinct qualities each energy entails. The Tao Te Ching posits that the receptive complements and completes the creative. By considering this provisional binary, we can recognize that each of us has both assertive and receptive qualities. As we become more aware of these energies, we can learn to balance them.

Today, we focus on the receptive qualities of feminine energy. Receptive does not mean submissive; it is, in fact, a very powerful energy. In classical Tibetan Buddhism, the feminine is represented by the mother, sister, and maiden. These stages provide entry points to understanding this powerful energy. The mother symbolizes birth and nurturing. Space itself can be seen as feminine, as it contains and gives rise to all things. In some instances, assertive energy is required for creation, but it is always the feminine that nurtures that creation. The creative, assertive energy tends to proclaim itself, often competing with other masculine energies. Consequently, our temporal understanding is often skewed, viewing things predominantly from the masculine perspective.

We have recently lived in a time dominated by masculine energy. However, the masculine is ultimately at the service of the feminine, its mother. This interlocking energy dynamic shows the masculine creative energy dominating other masculine energies to serve the feminine. This has been misunderstood as the masculine choosing, with the feminine in service to it. In our materialistic society, we value things based on monetary concerns. Thus, the male providing money for the family’s safety has been misinterpreted as an act of dominance rather than service. The most important aspect, from a spiritual point of view, is the sacred bond of the family. The feminine gives birth to the family and should be protected by the creative energies within herself, her partner, and society.

Feminine energy cannot be owned; it is the very nature of the universe. Recent explorations of “dark matter” may be investigating this ancient energy, which existed before light. As all things—past, present, and future—exist in space and the universe, that ancient energy still holds and drives the expansion of the universe. The suggestion is that feminine energy is dark energy, predating creation and birth. Light, as a masculine energy, illuminates the dark, allowing us to perceive it, but the preceding, self-existing condition is feminine. Therefore, light is crucial to the creation of our universe and consciousness, but the darkness of the womb is the primordial state.

From a Tibetan Buddhist perspective, feminine receptive energy should be protected. In our contemporary society, this protection could come from the society, culture, laws, and the world itself, rather than a single male figure. The saying “It takes a village” reflects the importance of a communal nurturing and protection for the creation birthed by the receptive.

The mother cares for and protects the child on the most intimate level. We can extend this concept to include the creation of any kind—such as art, spirituality, or poetry. Personally, I write my creative work with a feminine voice, as it connects me to the sensitive, delicate part of myself essential for writing. The mother upholds our creative being, giving birth to the creator and nurturing the maturation of that creation. Regardless of societal or personal dynamics, every aspect of reality is connected to the feminine. The mother holds, nurtures, and creates us.

The sister represents the feminine energy that is connected to us at all times, an equal and vital part of our experience. Although we live in a time that favors masculine energy—due to a preference for survival over thriving—feminine energy remains equally important. Acknowledging, accepting, and bonding with the feminine can be seen as a supportive element. When we think of protection, procreation, and health, we might initially evoke strong masculine energy, but often the nurturing, friendly aspect of sisterly feminine energy is more appropriate. While men tend to create linear structures and hierarchies, women often foster horizontal communal energies. Soldiers referring to themselves as a “band of brothers” are describing the essence of sisterhood. This sisterhood involves an egalitarian, communicative, and connective quality. When we bond emotionally with our world, environment, or each other, we express this feminine energy.

The maiden represents the youthful, attractive, and capricious quality of sexual energy. The maiden entices, challenges, and playfully engages the creative. It’s important to stress that we are discussing essential energies, not men and women. The maiden can be represented by the partner in a sexual union who embodies the playful, receptive, and challenging aspect of the relationship. While many relationships have a blend of masculine and feminine qualities, each of us can connect with and invoke this youthful sexuality within us. The mother, sister, and maiden exist concurrently as well as consecutively, both within us and in the energies we invoke in others. Gender fluidity recognizes that regardless of one’s identification, all of us exist on a spectrum of gender possibilities.

The maiden is symbolized by the dakini, often depicted in her late teens or early maturity. The dakini’s energy is linked to sexual awakening and discovery, which can sometimes lack compassion. While the dakini entices and softens the creative energy to approach her, she follows a deeper wisdom. Though often depicted as naked, in flames, and dancing in the sky, her connection is to the sacred feminine space of the universe, an energy predating all things. Her energy might seem capricious because she is linked to a higher order or her own feminine clan or community, making her actions incomprehensible to a more rigid, linear, masculine perspective. Thus, the maiden is always one step ahead of comprehension, dancing in flames in space. Though youthful and sexually appealing, the maiden exists within all of us. You can see her in the eyes of an older person in love or feel her in the embrace of someone who pushes you away for no discernible reason. In our male-dominated society, there has been an attempt to dominate and control this capricious energy, but the dakini cannot be controlled or possessed. She can be held, calmed, or tamed, but only provisionally. Like fire, with which she is associated, she warms, enlightens, reveals darker truths, but can also burn and move from one source of fuel to the next.

In Tibetan culture, men were part of a nomadic hunting-gathering system in a harsh environment where vegetation and sustenance were scarce. These communities, particularly in medieval times, were ruled by feminine structures. Sexual bonding between men and women was not permanent; as men often left and didn’t return, the community needed to continue procreating. Mothers ruled the roost and were not obligated to the monogamous structures that contemporary society demands. While the mother and sister energies may bond for life, the early stage energy of the maiden is not intended for such structure. She is an energy of capriciousness, embodying the trickster. This is the transformative energy of falling in love. The word “falling” is crucial here. When we fall in love, we leave behind our hardened positions and embark on a journey of transformation. We become something beyond what we have known and fiercely defended. In this process, we are reborn or recreated.

At that point, the dakini may leave us, her purpose fulfilled. Alternatively, this energy may transform into a more sustainable form, like the nurturing energy of the sister, akin to ducks that mate for life, swimming together in balanced harmony. Or it may evolve into the protective energy of the mother, who guides and shelters her brood.

These energies are present everywhere—in the trees, the plants, the wind, and the earth. There is the Goddess of Fire, the Goddess of the Wind, the Goddess of Earth, and the Goddess of the Mind. Most essential is the Goddess of Space, for she is the womb of all creation. Though space can be vast beyond comprehension and even deadly, it is also nurturing, friendly, and inviting. The way to connect with this energy is through gentleness, kindness, patience, and respect. These qualities are accessible to us all, as they are the energies of the goddess within each of us.

Posted on August 5, 2024August 5, 2024 by joseph mauricio

THE UNBEARABLE WEIGHT OF BEING

I met one of my favorite authors at his book signing. I asked if he was happy with the book. He said he would have completed it much sooner had he been less important to himself. He offered a wry smile. It felt like he was telling me something about myself.

I have always been important to myself. I carry self significance around like a weight. It precedes me everywhere. I remember seeing Sam Kinison on stage. The crowd erupted in anticipation before he even walked out. I wanted that power, the kind that announces itself and demands its place. The kind that seems overbearing to others, yet feels like a minimum level of self-protection to me.

Once, I was hired to tell jokes at a party. The host, our benefactor, nodded and smiled but never laughed. At the end of the night, when he paid me, I asked him why he never laughed at my jokes. He said, “Because I feel like you’re forcing me to.” It hit me. My need to coerce people for my validation was pretty narcissistic. We all have ego. We place ourselves at the center. Some of us close ourselves off completely to feedback, creating an impenetrable wall. We protect ourselves from a safe distance, all the while suffering crushing doubt and loneliness inside the performative fortress.

This is a description of my style of ego. Your mileage may vary. But we all try and control our lives from an insulated booth removed from everything else. We all have our style and we are all generally trapped there. It is said that ego is like a general that becomes more powerful than the king. In an ironic reversal, the king now serves the general. Ego is a like defensive blister on the self that becomes inflamed anger or is threatened. The self is semi-permeable, allowing communication. Ego, however, tries to control everything to protect the self. Some people bruise their environment, like I did. Others pull inward, making everyone come to them. Some are late, making others wait. Some are generous, marking their good deeds. These are styles of imprisonment. The tools we use to defend ourselves become our prison guards.

We diminish our hearts. We cut ourselves off from sustenance. We compete with everything, seeking protection and power. We become like a government under martial law, curtailing information, stopping openness, becoming vicious little creatures who see what they believe. Each of us has a style, but all are controlling and because of that ego is limiting. The surest way to control life is to reduce life to a manageable size.

Ego is ignorant of itself. It protects our self-awareness by demanding control. This sets up massive expectations without us even knowing what or why. Sometimes, I can’t get out of bed. Many have felt that. My version was embarrassment for not living up to the outsized expectations my ego set. I was too important to myself to be myself. I had to be larger or smaller than life.

The antidote to this neurosis is awareness. With meditation practice we grow our awareness and begin to see the defensive patterns that limit us. We live in extremes to avoid seeing ourselves. Like a black hole, we can’t see the ego directly, but we see its effects. Hurt people hurt people. We inflate when hurt, trying to become bigger. Or deflate when threatened, trying to be invisible

But ego isn’t the problem; cherishing the self is. Protecting, building, and cherishing the self creates pain. Meditation helps us see clearly, without judgment. We see how we hurt others and ourselves, how we limit ourselves. We develop mindfulness—awareness of body, life force, life itself, and emotions. We start to unpack the ego net that has ensnared us, making us it’s puppet.

If we give up all the things that make us “me,” we might find ourselves connected to everything else. This is a much richer and more sustainable place to be than living in our projections, which is a lot of work.

Carrying around the weight of all of the expectations of having to live up to the idea of “me” is exhausting. Carrying around the baggage of our defensive habitual patterns is exhausting. Looking at other people only as a means to substantiate ourselves also cuts us off from the sustenance we get from connecting spiritually to other people and to the world around us. We are starving ourselves spiritually as we try to gorge ourselves materially. We work so hard to substantiate this fiction of “me.”

This makes our life incredibly heavy and incredibly sad, because we are cutting ourselves off from true connection to each other and cutting ourselves off from connection to the environment. We are cutting ourselves off from leading healthy, lives connected to all of the life around us.

And we create this idea that we are so special that we deserve everything we could possibly get in the world, and yet our ego is never satisfied. So we need more and more things to make it feel as though it’s protecting us. So, in order to protect us, the ego is demanding that we do all of this work and put all of this effort into its own self-substantiation. It’s as though the country’s entire economy is being subsumed into a military that’s nominally there to protect them but actually is parasitically feeding off them. And that’s what begins to happen with ego when it’s unchecked. It parasitically feeds off us. It’s supposed to protect us, but we end up having living up to it.

And ego does not disengage easily. That’s why we resist meditation. That’s why we are threatened in relationships. That’s why we are too tight to orgasm. Because these are all moments when the “me” thing falls apart. We don’t like that because we absolutely need to control the world. We end up grabbing and clinging and carrying and expecting – living with this incredible, unbearable weight of being “me.”

Trungpa Rinpoche likened walking around with an ego to our wearing a clown suit carrying a teaspoon filled with water. We are trying so hard to not spill a drop.

Meanwhile we’re wearing a clown suit.

Posted on July 29, 2024July 29, 2024 by joseph mauricio

THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

Maybe It Is All About Me

Let’s discuss the elephant in the room. Specifically, that big elephant standing in the middle of everything. This ungainly creature influences and interprets all we perceive, feel taste and touch, yet remains nonetheless unregarded and unseen.

The elephant is standing guard over our precious sense of self. Its primary purpose is to protect us by surreptitiously inserting itself into nearly every situation in an attempt to control nearly everything. As one of its tools is stealth, this unseen elephant is an agent of ignorance. We don’t see it, and it sees only what it’s trained to see, which includes itself. And unless we’re retraining the mind to see clearly, we never see beyond the firewall to ourselves. Buddhist thought delineates a path of developing awareness of the elephant and all the other wildlife in our being so that we might see beyond that which controls us to our life as it is beyond unconscious interpretation. This path develops awareness, which is a sense of panoramic knowing that allows us to navigate life with ease and dignity. The more we see, the better we can care for ourselves and others. Awareness is the essence of compassion. Once we see, we are able to understand. And caring is a natural response to understanding. A life with awareness, dignity and care is a better place to live. So what is keeping us from leading that life?

In the larger picture of things, awareness sees all possibilities. However, our untrained mind does not have the ability to process all of this information. On the practical level, we need to focus our intention within that sea of information to get anything done. Our perception is localized and administered in an aspect of mind Tibetans call “sems”. Sems acts as a mental switchboard that organizes input from our 6 gates of awareness. These gates are our five sense perceptions and the mental interpretation of each. It is important that in Buddhist thinking our mental interpretation is considered a discrete sense. Most importantly, there is a difference between our raw perception and our mental interpretation and sometimes these are not in alignment. It is the purpose of meditation practice to clarify the dissonance between perception and interpretation. This is referred to as developing valid cognition. In time, with consistent meditation practice, we become aware of our mental input and learn to look beyond the elephant to see where life is leading us.

So, let’s break down the components of this elephant. The elephant stands on the notion of a “self“. At some point in human evolution we became conscious. That localized sense of perceiving began to organize itself into an entity that is aware of itself. This allowed us a vantage from which to navigate an otherwise unmanageable sea of possibility. Yet, that navigation comes at the cost of limiting those possibilities. This notion of self is a necessary limitation in order for consciousness to have a reference point. Ego is a further limitation of those possibilities. Ego happens as self-awareness becomes a self-consciousness that assumes itself to be self-existing. This assumption of “me” can become a self-referential closed loop that reduces awareness to specifically localized points of view. The ego works as a set of patterned functions that reduce what we see of the world. We conflate reality down to serviceable quanta which, in turn, are seen as a means to serve our perceived compensatory needs. These perceived needs are generated to compensate for feelings of lack or vulnerability. In other words, we see what we are conditioned to see and generate feelings that prompt reactions. We generally do this all without much investigation.

It is the role of mindfulness meditation to create gaps in this automatic process, so that we may be able to track reality. Ego solidifies the idea of itself with uninvestigated and unintentional habitual reactions and Mindfulness Meditation allows us to see through this process and unpack the mechanics of our ignorance. Therefore, by insinuating space and awareness into our life, mindfulness meditation creates an existential challenge to ego. This is why we sometimes have resistance to meditation. The gaps created by developing awareness are like cracks in the wall of ego’s fortress.

Ego is created as a protective process, however like all protective processes it is also charged with its own survival. The defensive system has become more powerful than the host it’s enlisted to protect as it serves to also protect itself. For many of us, most of the time, the elephant is running the show. And direct challenges to the elephant are met with further resistance. The way to work with the elephant is to acknowledge its value, and to encourage it to relax. Like everything on the Buddhist path we are encouraged away from antipathy and toward care and understanding. In other words, learn to love the elephant. And again we do this by knowing the elephant. What makes it tick? When is it likely to be inflamed? How can we remember it’s there? How can we learn to treat this creature with love and respect?

Unlike the majestic elephants of the wild, our egos are furiously overworked conductors trying to control streams of information. Sometimes they resort to bullying tactics. The more they are threatened, the larger – and more invisible – they become. Frightened people tend to see only themselves. And this inflammation of self into blind egotism obscures everything – and everyone – else. Narcissists seem overbearing but that inflation of self and their inability to relate to social cues are compensatory defenses for those who feel inadequate and vulnerable. That self-centeredness creates expectations that are hard to live up to. When we feel larger than life, we have so much to carry. After times that ego has arisen in our defense, we become deflated and depressed. We lay there wondering how we can actually manage getting this elephant off our chest. I call this the “Unbearable Weight of Being … Me.”

We wake up in the morning to my alarm clock, take my shower, drink my coffee just as I like it, take my car, to my job. No wonder that when I come home to my house I’m sick of myself. Buddhist teachers will say that the problem is not ego. The problem is cherishing the self. We are clinging to the idea of me and creating this weight that becomes exhausting to carry around. Sakyong Mipham says “what about me” is the incessant mantra we say first thing in the morning and the last thing at night. He went on to suggest that after all this, we should be full of joy. But, we are not. Lastly, ego is an addictive state that cries out to be fed. And the more we feed Seymore, the more it needs to feed.

The antidote is to stop. Allow a gap. Breathe out. Drop into ourselves and feel ourselves in our body. That is much closer to reality than circular, ego world building. Just drop it. Come home, and be here. This act of self love will allow the elephant to rest. When the elephant rests we can look around and see the world as it is.

WIth the room to see the world, we might find it is quite workable. In the 12-step tradition they say, becoming right-sized we see life on life’s terms. We don’t have to conflate our life, or inflate ourselves just to be here.

_________

Posted on July 22, 2024July 23, 2024 by joseph mauricio

“HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE”

Compassion For an Annoying World

In the play, “Huis Clos” or “No Exit” French philosopher Jean Paul Sartre introduced three characters that represented a kind of social three-body problem that uncovered the basic instability of human interaction. The nature of this dynamic encouraged the edges of each personna to trigger the others. That dynamic continued in vicious rounds ultimately leading Sartre to famously conclude “hell is other people.”

I once wrote an unlove song that went “people suck, and you’re one of them.” Yet life with the irritations of other humans may be worthwhile simply because we have no choice. It is an existential situation that we can either choose to see or turn away from. Sartre’s play was an existential glimpse of a human condition that left us with no alternative, hence the idea of hell. The Buddhists say the cycle of suffering, referred to as l samsara, is endless. And, yet the Buddha predicted that suffering can nonetheless cease if we understand its cause. Our experience of that endless sea of suffering is enacted by the clinging attachment to the straws of life we feel will save us from drowning. Instead of flowing though life with an open sense of discovery, we grasp to the things we love and struggle to get away from things we hate. And in the turbulence of yes and no, wanting and not wanting, we become blind to the rest of our life.

The Buddha’s remedy for this struggling blindness is to train the mind to settle in the present so that it may develop an objective awareness. Awareness of the things we cling to, awareness of the things that trigger us and eventually awareness of all that we’ve missed due to these obsessions. This is not easy. The deeper we see, the more we feel. And feelings …. well … can suck. In this regard, it is said that irritation is the vanguard of awareness. And as the old song (almost) said, “waking up is hard to do”. Just like the groggy eye-rubbing crankiness many of us experience in the morning, becoming aware of our world can be an uncomfortable and unsettling experience. And yet, should we bring awareness into the hell of our world, we might see that hell itself is a construct. And any construct is a thing, and all things are temporary.

So, why do we suffer? We become comfortable with the familiar. Seeing what we see, knowing what we know, doing what we do supports our sense of security. As we are social creatures, we search out our clan and dance with the partners we enjoy. However, we can unknowingly become attached to what we know, and experience antipathy toward that de don’t. We assume our point of view is self-existing and inviolable. Humans nestle into comfort without looking into that or beyond themselves. Chogyam Trungpa likened this process to creating a cocoon. Cocoon, in this case, is a womb of repetitive patterns, societal norms and bounded thinking in which we find protection but entirely take for granted. We separate ourselves from the dangers of disparity by surrounding ourselves with the familiar. Each of us has our specific style of protective cocoon that makes us feel safe. Ironically, those who flaunt danger sometimes find solace in the familiarity of repetition of their unsafe behavior. A daredevil approach feels brave, but once we’ve learned how to navigate the danger, it becomes a pattern.

We use repetitive patterns as a self protective strategy, even when they are not serving us. But even when they have served us, cocoons by nature are temporary staging areas. Should we fail to move on, at some point, we are not growing. Even if our cocoon is academic study and research, are we able to see beyond our mode? The late Physicist Richard Feynman noted that his colleagues were learning “more and more about less and less.” Many of us are proficient in the things we know, but don’t recognize, or value what we don’t know. The spiritual problem here is that we are limited by that which we don’t see. It’s like the mass of “black” matter in the universe. There is a preponderance of mass in the universe that we can measure, but cannot see. Some scientists rather describe this as unseen or unknown matter, indicating there is something there we are yet to understand.

The brain is happiest and therefore most efficient when it is leaning new things. So, developing awareness in our lives is developing our minds. Developing our mind enables us to develop greater awareness. While being nurtured in the safety of our comfortable environment is essential for our physical health and survival, seeing beyond our comfort points is essential for our mental and spiritual health. Spiritual growth = spiritual health. The more we see, the more we understand. This is developing awareness and is likened to “waking up.” And as we said, waking up is not always pleasant. And so there is a tentative balance between safety and growth. It would be impractical to throw off all caution and engage the world without discernment, but when discernment turns to judgement, we are limiting ourselves. The struggle between stepping out and back to the cocoon is a necessary dynamic for growth.

It is essential for the butterfly to struggle through its cocoon in order to develop the strength to fly. Likewise, it is essential for those on a wisdom journey, to work with the discomfort of waking up. The Tibetans refer to “lakthong” or clear seeing. Lakthong is seeing beyond our reference points and likened to “waking up. When faced with the discomfort of seeing more clearly, a common tactic is to find fault and assign blame. We can deflect the pain of our burgeoning awareness onto a projection of another object. However, this freezes us in place. Once we pinpoint a problem, then it becomes a scapegoat. We are no longer looking, because we are seeing what we believe. Smart people are very susceptible to irritation and blame. People of high intellect can often become impatient with those moving on slower cycles. It’s natural to value our world from the vantage of our own values. Sometimes this conflates into a rigid false binary. Some people are good and some are evil. Assigning a value of evil may be more about pushing away something you find uncomfortable than an absolute value scale.

Those of us too sophisticated to believe in evil, might instead just find other people annoying, irritating or unworthy. And, in truth, some people put up a good case for that. Nonetheless, the more clearly we see and the more we step from our parochial perch, the less protected we are from irritation. It is said that “meditation is not a vacation from irritation.” And in truth, just because people are irritating to me doesn’t mean they aren’t valued by those their own clan. If they exist in the world, then waking up to the world would indicate connecting to some are unavoidable.

So, how to work with this?

Knowing that there is no right or wrong to the situation. There are points of view that, in fairness, are susceptible to change.
That said, acceptance of our feelings as valid is important step in waking up. However, understanding that our feelings are subjective are very important. Feelings don’t make us right. They are part of the landscape.
Being willing to set aside judgement and investigate means everything. Why does it irritate me? What does it mean to me? Did my caregivers do this? This means not making global assignments or judgements. Just being humble enough to ask why am I uncomfortable.
Having the confidence to NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY. I am not obligated to feel a certain way about anyone else’s behavior. Non-co-dependence or interdependence means that we are willing to stand on our own without feeling swayed for or against. When I am triggered by someone, they are MY triggers! My mind is all I can effectively change. No one is keeping me from doing that.

My friend Sarah suggested that we could have disintegration rays like in Tim Burton’s movie “Mars Attacks”. She feels they would be compassionate by painlessly eliminating asshooles for our life. Hahaha. Although admittedly a provisional view of compassion, the idea that we could painlessly cut the attachment we have to feeling judgement or obligation to the assholes we endure is appealing. As Christ said, “you will always have the assholes with you.” He went on to say “you will not always have me.” I think it is not up to us to find goodness in our own hearts and endeavor to see others through that.

All of us have wisdom and all of us have neurosis. It is up to us as to which lens we use to see our world.

Yours,

joe

joseph mauricio

mindfulness based coaching

www.josephmauricio.com

505.720.6776

Posted on July 15, 2024July 16, 2024 by joseph mauricio

Waking Up in Chaos

Life can be overwhelming. Especially when we look at it. I used to love horror movies, but these days its enough to watch the news. Sometimes it seems we’re living in the apocolypse, as written by Steven King.

At this writing we are heading toward a pivotal, some say existential, national election. The two primary presidential candidates have come under fire. One fending attacks against their age and mental acuity. The other, quite literally, in a narrowly missed assassination attempt. Both of these situations have caused us to stop and reconsider solid paradigmatic points of view.

Maybe it’s not a bad thing to be forced to look at what we convey and what we see. Are we being clear? Are we looking with an objective awareness at how things work? Or, are we only selling our point of view to ourselves and our world? I have been guilty of the latter. More egregiously, I have felt justified in doing so. If we feel we are right, we might feel justified in piling on, exaggerating or satirizing to substantiate our point of view. I am more inclined to this when speaking to my choir. I pontificate as the heads nod. But where will this lead? Justification feels so right, but in reality, it often leads to disordance and misunderstanding. The stronger we hold to our point of view, the less we understand alternative reasoning. This creates a false permanence, which is counter to the natural laws of the universe. Becoming stuck on our point of view is an invitation for the universe to dislodge us. Often this forced shift leads to a period of chaos where our values and perceptions come into question. When firmly held perceptions shift, we go through a period when things are out of phase producing a dissonant static that is challenging to navigate.

Along with change, chaos is a primary law of the universe. Although unsettling, it’s a natural part of our lives. Applying “functional awareness” chaos can be seen as a gateway from a familiar paradigm to a new vantage point. “Objective awareness” is seeing what is actually happening, rather than how we feel or what it all means, which is more of a subjective awareness. It’s good to acknowledge how we feel. But it doesn’t mean that is how others feel. And it doesn’t mean that it is easy to see beyond ourselves. That shift from our precious point of view into another space is often preceded by a moment of ego death, which is chaotic and unsettling.

If we look objectively at how chaotic moments in our life have played out, we’ll see that we have made it through these unsettling passages each time. Perhaps we have stepped into more fortunate circumstances. And maybe we have developed greater awareness from being dislodged from our zone of familiarity. If we look at how it works, chaos sometimes feels bad, but is a very necessary step in our growth process. So, waking up in this turmoil requires us to accept that the unknowing of chaos is sometimes necessary. It is also important to see that resisting change is a primary condition of suffering. But does this mean we blindly go along with an alternative? No. In fact, the alternative is also subject to change. A true paradigm shift is not shifting from one leg to the other. It is accepting that at this moment, we have no legs at all to stand on. As we are not having to become something, there is no reason to resist anything.

Binaries are fictions we create to better understand chaos. There is a good, and there is a bad. We have right and we have wrong. We feel comfort in fending off chaos with these solid beliefs. All of us have something we feel is real. But clinging to those beliefs create suffering as readily as clinging to material things or other people. This is called materialism of view. We believe our ideas are real. Well, good luck with that. I’ve actually come to see that binaries are by their nature never real. They are crude designations, the first step in the mental triage in trying to address the unsettling unknowing of chaos. The remedy? Hahaha. Relax. We are struggling through a natural process of rebirth. There is no reason to struggle. Our disquiet is urging us to discomfort. Our discomfort tells the part of ourselves charged with being in control that we are under siege. And so we prove our mettle by digging in. We turn false binaries in rhetoric and rhetoric into violence. At this point, the chaos in our mind becomes chaos in our life.

However, Meditation Master Chogyam Trungpa was fond of saying “chaos should be regarded as extremely good news.” It seems despite our discomfort, this natural process might lead to a deeper, more nuanced connection to life. It may be that life itself is a series of birthing. Maybe instead of projecting where we wish it will all lead, we might pray to end up where we least intend. If we close our eyes right now and visualize what we want from life we are creating a fiction that will never happen as we project it will. And it is possible that we are selling ourselves short. Perhaps life can be so much more than our conditioned thinking would indicate. We can only project from what we know. If our knowing changes, our projections may change accordingly. Who knows what we’ll want tomorrow, and, by extension, where that may lead us?

Of course, we can’t abandon all principles. That would be like abandoning all our clothing. We need clothing. However, we may no longer be comfortable in bell bottoms. Yet, if our principles change with the seasons we are just adding to the chaos. In our last class, Erik With a K suggested that we can find a seat that might offer ballast in order to navigate turbulence in our journey. Daily Meditation gives us the connection to the now that breeds the confidence to be here despite the chaos. WE. ARE. HERE. And knowing that “here” has no obligation to us, our work is to open our hearts and see what is actually happening. And just as life has no obligation to conform to us, we have no obligation to do anything but remain here, navigating our way with our eyes open.

Trungpa would say, life is like falling out a window. But, the good news is there is no ground. So how do we find our balance through chaos if there is no ground? Perhaps we find a navigation point in finding comfort in where we are. Perhaps a balance point is deep within ourselves. All we can change is ourselves. All we are responsible to is our mind. Protect your mind and you will see your way through.

Waking up in chaos: Accept the turmoil. Avoid judgements. Find our seat in that. Open our eyes. And enjoy the ride.

________

Posted on July 8, 2024July 9, 2024 by joseph mauricio

FINDING TIME FOR KINDNESS

FINDING TIME FOR KINDNESS AND KINDNESS IN CHAOS

Before he turned his kingdom over to Buddhism, King Ashoka had been a particularly ruthless warlord. There is a story about a monk who walked on to a battlefield during one of King Ashoka’s typically vicious battles. There was an injunction at the time against monks being harmed, even in war. The monk positioned himself so that no one could fight past him without injuring him. And so the battle paused.

And there was silence.

During this moment of peace, the ravages of this horrible battle could be seen in context. These were humans that had torn each other apart. The monk sat in the midst of this smouldering wreckage and, it is said, Ashoka was faced with the brutality of his violence. He also very clearly saw the power of kindness.

Extreme violence had seemed justified because Ashoka believed he was destined to unite the Indian kingdom states. Given the cultural disparity of the people and their long held grievances and bias toward each other, this was a daunting task. Yet being mercenary by nature, Ashoka could not deny the power of nonviolence he had seen before him. In context, he could also no longer ignore the horrid cruelty of war. The monk became an inspiration stronger than the banners and war cries of his clan. Ashoka ushered in Buddhism and its vows of kindness as a unifying force for his people. He became the first Indian king. And India became the first Buddhist nation.

There is another version of the story which deals with “Ashoka’s hell”. Ashoka had built an infamous prison, which was designed to be more punishing and cruel than anyone had ever experienced and it was an apparently effective deterrent. While on the surface, Buddhist principles of nonviolence, kindness and understanding had inspired the populace, Ashoka himself hadn’t converted. It seemed he found no problem utilizing cruelty to secure his ends. Ashoka’s hell had an especially cruel mandate: no one who enters would ever be released. In this telling, the monk nonetheless entered the gates and sat with those afflicted with punishment. As no one could harm a monk, it created a gap in the cruelty. Ashoka himself came to speak with the monk and when he did the monk reminded him of his primary mandate. Ashoka felt stuck. The monk encouraged the enraged king to sit. While resting in meditation, Ashoka woke up and saw the pain around him that he himself had created and was theoretically forced to endure. If he remained in his dungeon his kingdom would likely fall. Ashoka had no recourse but to dismantle his hell.

And as he stepped out from that hell, Ashoka did not drop his laws or remove his armies. That would have been naive and not responsible to his people. What changed was his intention. If he was acting to care and protect his people then he was in the right and the energy of this benevolence would bring success. On the other hand, when he fell into self interest, acting out of blind hatred, his efforts would be destructive. The keys here are intention and clear seeing. The basis for compassion in the Buddhist system is wisdom. Wisdom is knowing without prejudice and is based on clear seeing. We are able to rise above the aggression of ‘this and that’ and see with connection. Perhaps we are not so different from those we wish to destroy.

In our chaotic and dangerous lives it is understandable if we might be seduced into violence and aggression. Yet, if we act out of aggression, we have already lost. For anyone interested in compassion, it is essential that we act from serenity and a basis of peace so that we clearly see our intention. If our intention is to mette out pain and suffering because we feel violated, then we are stuck in a circular dance of destruction. Fighting fire with fire, it is said, burns everything down. Indeed there are some who do that in this world. And there are many more who are unclear what they want, but simply follow along with hatred because it’s the easiest grab. But, if we join this fight out of fear because everyone else is doing it, then we are lashing out blindly. When we do so, we are no longer in control of ourselves or in touch with our mind. Although this may feel momentarily powerful, we are actually in a very defenseless position. When we don’t see, we are offering ourselves up to be victimized.

Awareness is the best defence. And awareness is born of stability of mind. Hence, serenity is what we need to see beyond the darkness of our own defenses. Although our lives are fraught with danger and chaos, we can train ourselves toward effective self-care rather than reflexive self-defence by meditation. Sitting in the quiet center of the turmoil of our life, we can learn that we are not obligated to join the frey. We begin to learn how to boycott reflexive defenses and learn to see clearly and create our intention. Intentional, or mindful action is when we are awake ad incontrol. And if our deepest vow is to protect ourselves and all others, then we can make choices accordingly. We are not obligated to be assholes.

What we do is our choice. It’s always been our choice. Which path leads to benefit and which to destruction? Unfortunately, there are no fixed answers. Each situation requires a specific understanding. And that wisdom can only happen from a stable and quiet mind. I think we can all do this right now, today. We can make a commitment to develop a mind of compassion. The cornerstone is meditation practice. Stability leads to clarity, leads to appropriate intention. Or better said, serenity leads to wisdom, leads to compassionate action.

In order to create the ground for serenity, we can train ourselves away from aggression. Aggression happens when we’ve squeezed ourselves into a corner. A cornered animal is dangerous as it sees no options. The warrior of compassion releases themselves from pressure and allows the space for kindness to be an option. By creating the space for kindness in our lives, we create openness in our hearts. Our world feels better. And as our world begins to feel better, we might begin to see more ways to find the space for more kindness. I don’t know if this will affect the world, but I do know that removing myself from hell, I am able to see that my path to kindness is key to peace in my life.

I don’t know if there will ever be kindness on earth. I do know there can be kindness in my heart. And that kindness is something I can share with everyone.

Posted on July 1, 2024July 1, 2024 by joseph mauricio

LIVING WITH OUR BIG BRAIN

During our evolution we lost our fangs, claws and venom as we traded up for a big brain. As this brain grew, it gained the processing ability to go beyond the defensive reaction of its dark beginnings and, learning to see a bigger picture, strategize its way past danger and toward sustenance. This remarkable ascension is still happening and that’s a wonderful thing. Yet, that growth happened so quickly, our minds are developing new skills while our brain is still holding to old processes. This creates a dissonance between a view of what may be possible and what we fear could happen.

One of the most venerable of our ancient systems is our survival instinct. As our brain initially expanded as a defensive measure it also developed a spiritual, artistic and intellectual capacity yet unseen on our planet. Yet, that defensive survival imperative still exists – and, in fact may be more inflamed by the rapid changes it faces. Our mind gives precedence to negativity and fear as a survival strategy. Survival is compelling. A part of us values panic over relaxation. As we begin to see what is possible for us, a darkened part from of our past rears its head. When we become triggered, our mind spins as it tries to work its way out of the perceived danger. This happens too quickly for us to track and so we tend to wake up in the middle of some obsessive thought as a focus of our anxiety. We find ourselves working out a familiar thought in our mind over and over again. “Why did I say that?” “Why didn’t I tell them this?” The process is more about fear of a problem than it is a mindful attempt to solve the problem. We become stuck in our brain. And since the mind is not thinking in a way that can solve the problem, we may begin to feel inadequate and victimized by life.

Because we are still indebted to ancient defenses our mind closes down around that one thing it feels threatened by. Although a reaction to fear, the narrative may try and feel strong by manifesting anger to an object or ourselves. That little voice in the head telling us there is something wrong about ourselves, is a means of bad self-parenting. We’re trying to fix ourselves but this only serves to make us depleted and weakened. It is sadly ironic that just when we need our mind the most, it turns from awareness into compulsion.

Meditation practice trains the mind to cut past the compulsion. When we notice our mind thinking, we let it go and return to the breath. This is not to get rid of the thought, but to free the thought from its compulsive cycling. This mindfulness of mind gives us the power to turn our mind from compulsion to awareness. Yet, the momentum of our cycling mind is so powerful, it takes a lot of practice to learn to work with it. In time, we learn to stop believing the story, and work with the process.

When our meditation practice wanes we lose our “spiritual hygiene” and our emotional / mental immune system becomes compromised. When this happens we become susceptible to random afflictions of mind. Small things, unresolved issues, and lingering questions become the seeds of creating a much larger blockage. When our mind lacks the strength to protect itself it becomes obsessed with whatever it is it is worried over. My teacher calls this being held hostage by our minds. “Give me that drink or I’ll torture us all night.” “I need that cookie or I’ll be in a bad mood all day.” I need, I want, and I have to have what I need to want right now. Yet, a moment from now it could be something entirely else we absolutely need to have. Our mind becomes demanding even when it doesn’t know what it wants. Our needy mind completely dominates our field of vision. Rather than take joy to the world around us, we are robbed by that one thing we can see past. And when we blame the object or ourselves we only serve to embed the process further.

So, the way out of this is the way in. The problem is in our activated sympathetic nervous system. It’s not happening in our mind. Our mind is looking on in horror, but the seizure is happening in the nervous system. Whatever thoughts we might have are tangential to the fact that we have been triggered, and in a fear state we are unable to see clearly. Our ancient mind is aflame and hijacks our higher reasoning. Our higher mind is conscripted to figure a way out of the spinning so it goes into overdrive. The panicked body clenches. Fear begets fear begets fear. This process happens more subtly when we are able to push compulsive thoughts aside and yet the toxic psychologies they create nonetheless fester in our mind and body. The gnawing feeling that we are not good enough, strong enough, smart enough are bags we carry. Some of us have carried them so long, we just assume they are real. And here is another sad irony. Everything changes. Therefore, a thought we’ve had for years, that has become embedded in us, is less likely to be valid. The fact that we are holding onto an idea for years doesn’t make it more real. In fact, our mindful mind would point to the contrary.

So, how do we live with this ancient brain in a modern developing mind? With care and respect. The mindful mind can be aware of itself. With practice, it can develop the strength to be the leader of itself. Lead the mind, or it will lead you means that we would do well to learn about the mind – objectively – before we try and change anything. My teacher was fond of pointing out how we learn to much about everything except the tool that does the learning. Mindfulness of mind is learning to understand our mind. When are we likely to be hijacked by our ancient fear-based defenses? Maybe we can believe our brains less when our spiritual or emotional immunity is likely compromised, as in when we’re hungry, angry, lonely or tired. We can believe our mind less when we are absolutely SURE of anything. We can simply believe our stories less and feel our feelings more.

We will never figure it out while we are spinning. The mind is simply not at its best when it’s agitated. There is not clarity in agitation. The mind is at its most effective when it is calm. Calmness of body, brings calmness of mind. Calmness of mind allows the mind’s natural clarity to dawn. Even though we feel a compulsion to react to the problems of life, they are best addressed in serenity. So the work isn’t figuring out the problem. The work is protecting the mind from panic so it can see its way through. When we’re up all night spinning over something, the story is not real. The fear beneath the story is what’s real. Not the story of the fear, but the history of that fear. Hold the fear, and calm the body. And do whatever you can to support and love yourself. Our minds need us. We would do well to protect and honor them.

Living with a big brain takes care, understanding and training. The ancient brain needs to be led by kindness. And the modern mind needs to move beyond itself and continue to grow.

Posted on June 24, 2024June 25, 2024 by joseph mauricio

LIVING COMPASSION 3 – THE POLITICS OF LOVE

Today’s photo evokes the romance of the school dance. An oft used descriptor of that moment would be “innocence” although, events later in the parking lot might not be very innocent. Yet, we wistfully remember clumsily fumbling around another person in the dark because whether it was glorious, frightening or both, opening the heart was a powerful moment for us.

I sadly never got out of my head long enough to let my heart into the equation but maybe it happened at some point. It wasn’t until years later when meditation gave me the courage to allow vulnerability. But, whether it was groping on a high school dance floor, fumbling in the back seat, or sitting on the meditation cushion, the moment of frailty when we “fall” is an important step in our spiritual journey.

Falling in love sounds lovely, but falling can be a frightening experience. As it is scary to have our defenses pulled away, it is nonetheless very powerful when we allow ourselves to open.

The Tibetan Buddhist systems speak of “transmission”, which is a nonlinear communication that happens to us, despite whatever it is we are trying to do. Transmission is a seemingly instantaneous joining of our body, mind and heart. This happens when a realized teacher performs a ceremony, when we are in a car accident, and sometimes when we fall in love. Our body is responding, our heart is opening and our mind is clear. We are not trying to do anything anymore than a diver tries to dive, or a painter tries to create a masterpiece. Michelangelo famously said that he could not take credit for sculpting his statue of David. He said he simply removed all the rock that wasn’t David. He removed the obstacles and the truth was revealed.

Of course, there is a lot of trying involved in developing a skill. But the magic happens when we let go and let the transmission take place. The actual transmission of David was Michelangelo’s connection to the universe, not a triumph of his will. Our spiritual path is like this. Most of the time, we apply ourselves to hard work. But every now and then we lift our gaze and everything opens. We can learn, but realization comes from a surrendering of learning. Itis a surrendering of will. We fall. As in love, we might strategize our courtship. But when we actually fall, the world opens up and strategies are useless. We become lost in the music of life.

I was grew up in a tenement in New Jersey. My dad worked days and went to school nights, my mom worked in the city, but we would gather around the TV when we could like our forebears gathering around the hearth, or the fire. As with them, the TV allowed us to share sadness, happiness and laughter with our world. I still remember the extraordinary moment on the Ed Sullivan show that swept us away from the tension of our life and brought joy and love through those small rooms. After that transmission, my mom would gather brooms and mops from the closet for us to use as guitars. My mother, brother, and I sister would sing along to our first two Beatle songs, “She Loves You” and “I’ll get you.”. We went to church every Sunday in those days. A banner above my grandfather’s pulpit read “God Is Love”. We were an evangelical Pentecostal community and I had witnessed the Holy Spirit entering members of the congregation in a transmission of the power of the love of God. Speaking in tongues, ecstatic dance, and shaking are moments when body, spirit and mind become one. For me, it was standing in front of the mirror with my broom guitar jumping up and down. This presupposed Lennon’s infamous declaration that the Beatles were more important to my generation than God. And to this day, I can be lost in the pure joy of a pop song in a way that short circuits my doubtful, sarcastic mind, and gives me the confidence to fall in love.

Ecstatic moments join body, spirit and mind into a moment far greater than all the concepts or ideas that lead us to it. No one could have guessed that the power of love might take hold of the world from four boys who initially were just trying to impress girls. But it was the ecstatic explosion of the audience, drowning out even their own voices, that propelled us to see the world more fully than we ever had. With all the military might and bluster of the men who ruled society, the power of teenage girls to bring the world to its knees went completely overlooked. Yet, this has been an undercurrent throughout history. Helen, as Marlowe said, had a “face that launched a thousand ships”, Shakespeare’s Juliet, Garbo, Monroe, Cleopatra, Nefertiti and the iconic images of Quan Yin, Lilith and Tara all represent the disruptive and transformative power of love. In Vajrayana Buddhism there is a deity called Vajrayogini who is depicted as a teenage woman in the full prime of her youth. For many, she is a primary Tantric goddess of the “Dakini” class. Dakinis, or “sky dancers”, are depicted as young women unbound by temporal constraints The Dakini affects great change. She represents the transformative power of Love. You can study her liturgies, but it’s only through direct contact and a willingness to surrender to her flames that our transformation occurs,

While we can analyze platonic love, study spiritual love and try our best to bring about love on Earth, we cannot try to understand the transformative power of romantic/disruptive love. We can only experience it. And that experience can only happen when we are willing to let down our defences and surrender to the darked arms of the Goddess’ death embrace. As it says in the prayer of St Francis “it is by dying that one receives eternal life.” To Buddhists this refers to “ego-death” which is an essential step to liberation. Yet death of the ego feels like death itself. Like the “little death” of an orgasm, we cannot receive this transmission by trying. As the great master Yoda said, “Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.”

What if humans evolve to the point of surrender? What if we stop trying to fix, change and control and allow ourselves, instead, to discover? There is a school of thought that says past, present and future are just a construct and all events have already happened. Another school of thought suggests that until we can conceive a thing we cannot see it. And yet, it is only by releasing the concept that we can touch it. If everything we think will happen has already happened, then all we need to do is be open to the possibility. And believe. And then let go and receive.

What if instead of paying endless lip service to love, we just deeply kiss the world? What if our politics and our nations were organized around faith in the power of love? I guess the process is to conceive it and then believe it and then let that go and simply be it. Thich Nhat Hanh said, “BE love.” Believe it and be it.

What if we stop over valuing destruction and might and began to organize ourselves around a politics of love?

Imagine.

If you look closely at the picture above you’ll see a band playing for 18 people. They would not have guessed that in a short time they would change the world.

They were probably just hoping to meet girls.

————

Posted on June 17, 2024June 18, 2024 by joseph mauricio

LIVING COMPASSION 2 – SECURING THE BASE

Compassion is a very large idea. But in order to make it a practical idea, we can see how it can become right-sized. If we conjure images of Mother Teresa, Gandhi or the Dalai Lama we are likely conjuring something inherently out-sized, that we can never attain. These outsized images are not only unrealisitc, they often serve to make us feel small. We have enough in our lives that make us feel defeated. It is important that we learn to stick up for ourselves. If we are making ourselves weak, we are hurting ourselves and helping no one. Thinking it’s up to us to bring peace on earth sounds good, but in reality, it is quite egotistical.

And yet, the world needs our help.

So, how can we make this large picture practical for us? We can begin by loooking at ourselves, as we are. How can compassion make my life a better place? What can I do today to make my life easier and more productive so that I may better serve? This is not selfish, it’s practical. However, trying to make my life better than someone else’s, or a better place for only me and mine, is selfish because it’s narrow minded and myopic. Compassion is developing the tools to care for ourselves so that we can care for other beings. But, we are one of those beings. In fact, until we learn to effectively care for ourselves we will be unable to care for others.

Remember the old trope of the oxygen mask? On board a distressed plane we are instructed to place our own oxygen mask on first before we help our children. This is not selfish, it is practical. From a spiritual point of view, when our life is in distress, it is not selfish to care for yourself. However, it is important to care in helpful and appropriate ways. On a plane in distress we don’t finish our drink first before we help anyone else. Unfortunately, in life, when we are in distress we often similarly grasp for remedies that do not help anyone. We are falling and grabbing at suitcases that only add more weight. There is a difference between helping ourselves to relief and isolation, and helping ourselves so that we can connect to others. This is very important.

Caring for our “inner child” is important in developing the self compassion that lies as the foundation for compassion. Yet is every time our inner child is frightened, we retreat to the bath we are only supporting the bubble bath companies. Our inner-child needs leadership and good parenting. Compassion is developing trust in our executive functioning so we can help ourselves appropriately. Laying in the bath can be a helpful act of self care. But doing this every time we are triggered means we need to care for ourselves in ways that build our resilience. Restoring ourselves is important, but refusing to move on to action only builds insecurity. For compassion to be practical it has to be a living part of our life. Living compassion serves to build our life. It is practical and grounded in humble acceptance. Yet, its possibilities are vast. If we avoid defensive self-centeredness, we can raise our gaze and see that we have a world bigger than we ever thought possible.

If we are grasping to an idea or a concept that is self-aggrandizing, we are adding pressures that are self-defeating. But with humble acceptance of who we are right now we can develop the faith in ourselves to move mountains. Developing a healthy self-regard is not egotism. It is securing the base from which we are able to be of real value to our world. There is nothing, in my experience, more rewarding than genuinely helping someone. And there is nothing, in my experience, more debilitating than grasping for someone’s approval. Faith in ourselves is the proverbial faith of the mustard seed. We are only the size we are. And that is all we need to be to move mountains of doubt.

Self-aggrandizement is natural. But it is limiting because we are clinging to something that is not real. We are building concepts of what we think we should be, rather than discovering who we are. If we imagine ourselves as more than we are, we will always be disappointed. THe same is true of believing we are less-than. The false humility of flogging ourselves for imperfections we perceive is just thinly disguised egotism. “Masochistic narcissism” is when we beat ourselves up over the pain we feel, or that we think others are feeling. We are not helping them by pulling our hair out. We are making ourselves feel important, by making our pain important. “Look at me, my compassion is such that I am crying for the world” is very dramatic. But it is not helping anyone.

Yet, if we accept that we are a work-in-progress then we can learn to gain confidence in ourselves. Self-aggrandizement, like the arrogance it engenders, covers leads to a lack of belief in ourselves. We know inside that we are not the ideal, and so believe we are less than the ideal. But that truth is if we can accept ourselves and vow to discover what we become, we are committing to a path of supporting ourselves. As we develop self-awareness, we naturally gain regard for ourselves. And though this regard for ourselves we begin to see others more clearly. Freed of the veils of defensive self interest we begin to see that we are not as estranged from our world as we had imagined.

By protecting our heart, we are seeing ourselves and learning to see others as family.

Our friend and co-teacher Sarah reminded me today that we are not material beings in a spiritual world, but spiritual beings in a material world. Similarly, we are not selfish beings trying to find compassion. We are compassion itself, working to heal a selfish world. The next time we think we can’t do it, it may be good to know realize that we already are.

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