FINDING RESILIENCE IN OUR EVERYDAY LIFE
Bowie’s song Changes was something of a clarion call to waking up and meeting what is. And what is is rarely what we want it to be. Facing the strain – or facing the strange and meeting life as it is, requires us to stand tall and accept what comes next.
Acceptance is neither acquiescence not surrender. It is the ground we stand upon for meeting life. From that ground we can relax our inner struggle and face the strain with poise and humor. Life is relentless. It doesn’t ask our permission to change, to rupture, to ache. Every one of us—if we’re honest—carries wounds we didn’t anticipate. We grow up believing strength means powering through, but eventually, life teaches us that armor is heavy. It cuts off our circulation. It separates us from others.
Resilience is often misunderstood as toughness, as stoicism, as the ability to take a punch and keep standing. But in Dharma practice, we learn that true resilience is not a hardening—it is a softening. It’s the capacity to remain present with our life as it is, without shutting down. It’s the willingness to feel, to care, to remain available in the midst of adversity.
We all have nervous systems designed to keep us safe. The fight-flight-freeze response is wired into us for survival. But in modern life, especially in emotional and interpersonal terrain, this wiring can misfire. We interpret everyday stress as threat. Our amygdala hijacks the clarity of our awareness. And suddenly, we are reacting to the world as if we are under attack.
So the question arises: can we stay connected without getting swallowed? Can we care deeply without falling apart?
Well, to quote a great statesman, “yes we can,” But, this acute severing of triggers from reactions takes practice and patience. A classic mindfulness tool is to pause and name what is happening. “This is fear.” “This is grief.” “This is activation.” When we do this, we begin to disentangle from the reactivity and step into the space of awareness. The energy is still there, but we’re no longer riding the rollercoaster blindfolded.
Resilience without armor also requires community. Our neurosis breeds in isolation. But recovery happens with connection. Many of our most painful reactions come from a belief that we are alone. Meditation practice—and compassionate presence with others—reminds us that we’re not. We don’t need to have the answers. We don’t even need to be calm. But we do need to, as Pema Chodron teaches, learn to stay. Stay with ourselves. Stay with one another. Stay with the moment.
The urgency that the triggering elicits makes us feel we need to ACT NOW. But, in fact as a rule there is always more time than we realize. Its okay to pump the breaks. Its okay to pause. Its okay to feel what we are feeling.
Another tool: mindfulness of body. When we’re triggered, the body tightens. The jaw clenches. The breath goes shallow. By simply bringing awareness to the physical response, we open up the possibility of choice. Try it: notice your shoulders. Feel your feet. Take a longer exhale. This is not a trick to bypass reality; it’s a way to anchor within it. Freeing ourselves from the constraints of the armor of body tension means we are creating the somatic space for the mind to find the space for a creative response. A creative response is not an habitual reaction, but is based in mindfulness of our body and our feelings. A mindful pause gives us the space to actually feel what we are feeling.
Here’s the paradox—when we stop resisting what we feel, when we stop trying to be strong in the old way, a different kind of strength appears. A strength that doesn’t need to posture or defend. A strength that doesn’t retreat into numbness. It is open. It is rooted. And it can be quite tender.
When we practice resilience without armor, we begin to trust life again—not because it’s safe, but because we realize we can meet it. We don’t have to disappear when things get hard. We don’t have to put on the mask of invulnerability. Instead, we show up. With our hearts exposed, yes. With our breath shaking, sometimes. But we stay. We respond. We listen. We cry when it’s time to cry, and we laugh when we can.
Finally there is the tool of humble constancy, or as Dylan said, “keep on keeping on”. We don’t need to change everything. In fact, we may not need to change anything. We can lay aside the narcissistic belief that it is on us. We can breathe out and humbly take our place in our community. All we have to do is show up. And what a relief that is! We don’t have to do anything more than cheer up and keep face the strain with courage, humor and dignity. This is a kind of humble bravery doesn’t get much press. It’s not dramatic. It’s quiet, slow, and deeply human.
And from this ground of openness, we discover a new kind of power. The power to be moved by life—not manipulated. The power to care without collapsing. The power to be resilient not because we’re armored, but because we are utterly, and fully, here.
